The Musing Mom Chronicles: May 20, 2020

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And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 King James Version (KJV)

We sat cross-egged on the floor. The cold, hard old-fashioned tiles were not very inviting as I made an attempt to fulfil this dream of mine. 

Long before I conceived my first child, I always envisioned what it would look like when I had "20 or plenty" children. We would all be sitting cross legged on the floor. I would be the Mommy-teacher and my children would all be sitting before me. I would gently, lovingly guide them in this world by being aware of their individuality and needs, and teaching them the spiritual principles upon which their conduct in this world should be based.

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Tears of joy flowed from my eyes at the dream that became reality today. Something seemingly so simple, something I could have done so many times before, it never seemed to be real until yesterday when our internet connection took a blessed break. I can't do my job without the internet. I could do my other blessed job better without it: mothering my littles. So, yesterday when our internet went on vacay, we played games outside and had conversations that were punctuated by laughter. Of course, in this time time of sickness, uncertainty and death, I still have mercies for which I am thankful. 

This morning, after reflecting on our play day the previous day, I called my girls so that we could have a meeting. I told them that I may not be able to run around as long as they wanted when we played outside, and that I will not be able to play Scrabble or Clue because my brain- my money-maker- is tired sometimes; but what I wanted was for us to sit cross-legged on the floor across from each other and just BE. We wouldn't even need to speak. We could just be present and silent or noisy but, oh Lord, to just be present in the moment.

It was a great time. I checked their ears and their teeth. I looked at their smiles and memorised the pimples on my teenaged daughter's face. I gave  her advice about acne.

 I was like the Mommy monkey searching the hair and skin of her young. It was a beautiful moment. We learned more about each other as we chatted and laughed- all electronic devices aside. 

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I want to share 3 things that stood out to me in our session:

1. I am not the homeschooling Mom I hoped I would be. 

I have accepted my limitations while being aware of my strengths. Even though I am a teacher by profession, I accept that I don't know how to deliver Math lessons and many other subjects that they need to know but I just don't understand. Perhaps, it would take great vidion and time to finally get that blessed rythm and grace. But! I can teach them my values as I share my stories and reflect with them about how to relate to others, for example. I want them to know that we should never seek to hurt others, but only to build them up as we traverse this life. Ephesians 4:29-32. So, yes, I will send them to school because I realise that, over the years, my children learn the traditional subjects better from their wonderful teachers. That's my reality and I am fine with that. 

2. My children need me. 

My teenager said something to me that completely justified a teaching about parenting in the Word of God. She said that she does not have the same kind of relationship with God as I do so she depends on me to teach her about Him. She depends on me to teach her the commandments of the Lord. She depends on my stories to help her understand the God I serve and Who she wants to know better. Of course, I remembered one of the guidelines in our parenting manual, the Bible. 

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And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 King James Version (KJV)

3. Children need to know their identity is not their body.

What we look like is not who we are. Our body is a vehicle for our spirit so we are so much more than the pimples on our face, so much more than being slim or fat, so much more than the perfect smiles we share with the world. I told them the story about when I challenged myself on losing weight some years ago. I had modified my lifestyle and my results created a stir at work. Many persons asked me what was my secret. (Actually, it was the fun involved in challenging myself to eat differently and exercising.) However, my weight loss adventure hit a snag which I had to address if I was ever to continue being successful in the endeavour. I sought counselling. As my body was changing, I was becoming increasingly sad. I felt like I was looking at a stranger in the mirror. My features were changing particularly as I lost about 30 pounds. Although I enjoyed the process, I thought I was becoming someone I didn't know. The counsellor asked me to list some things I liked leading up to the start of the year. I told her liked reading and writing poetry, teaching and socialising. She asked if I still liked those things and I told her I did. I still found those activities exciting. Then she dropped what seemed like a bombshell. She told me that I am not 'the fat girl'. I am me (the Musing Mom) whether I gained or lost weight. I am still the me who has opinions and likes and dislikes. That is the me on the inside of my body. I had only thought of my identity as my body before losing weight and now I was losing what I thought was my identity. But I wasn't! I never changed. My body was but the me on the inside was still pretty cool! 

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Beauty is not what is portrayed in the media such as the slim build, the athletic build, the curvaceous, big booty body, the ebony, ivory or golden-hued skin. Beauty is in the intentions of the being. What I look like is fleeting. Sure, we should take care of the body because if even one part of the body hurts, for example, it can cause us to be miserable and encourage misery in others. Take care of the inward man. Click here for 2 Corinthians 4:16. 

I believe that the true beauty that lies within includes our care for and of the fallen and the vulnerable, fighting for justice for the violated and the poor. 

Find the positive. Find little things to be thankful for and share your joy with others. 

These activities are like medicine. Click here for Proverbs 17:22.

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In short...

Who says I have to spend time with my children doing this activity or that? Who says it has to be structured a particular way? Who says that I have to be able to teach my children everything? Who says I am a good mother or bad mother? Who says? But what I know is that our children deserve the best that we can offer them, the best we can when we can. They want to learn from us. They want to be able to look back and remember a time in their history when they had a great experience with us. That experience may be something that they want to replicate with their children. Why not keep it simple, full of love and 100% free from condemnation?

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When Hate is a Good Thing

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To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to love, and a time to hate... 

Ecclesiastes 3:1,8

I hate negativity!

I hate not eating properly. 

I hate feeling sad because of rejection and abandonment.

I hate worrying because it makes me feel crippled emotionally.

I hate feeling low emotionally. 

Being sick is the worst because I can't get to do what I want to do like going where I want and doing what I want.

I hate feeling guilty and resentful. 

And sometimes I hate thinking that I made some progress only to find that it was still not enough to scale the mountain! It can be so very frustrating. It's like hitting a plateau when I was on a weight loss programme.

Now that I have told you about some of the things that irk me, I think that I should share what I enjoy. The Promised Land of Balance...?

I love feeling at peace in my spirit.

I love feeling joy bubbling up in my spirit.

I love feeling free to be happy. 

I love feeling beautiful and accepted and loved.

I love some things that may seem a little weird to love like: routine and being sore after an exercise session and how my body feels after I eat a lot of vegetables in a certain season. I love when the time is cool but I also love when there is warm sunshine after a rainy season. Oh glory to God! 

I have experienced the highs and lows. Each time I go through any of those seasons, I learn more about what I abhor and what I enjoy.

Sometimes, Hate begets Good

Now I realise that experiencing the things I hate actually usher in extraordinary seasons:

1. Gratitude

In moments when I am uncomfortable, I long for those times when sweet abandonment to the predictable routine, for example, is something for which I am grateful. When the comfort of routine returns or is created, I am thankful because at least I know what to expect. 

It's like the way asthma attacks make me thankful when I can breathe freely and deeply. 

It's also like when having a clear mind and being able to make decisions after weighing the options are so much better than having a cloudy mind or expecting only doom when I was afflicted by depression. 

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2. Change 

Sometimes hating a feeling or situation is so radical that it causes a shift in my thought patterns, a shift in my value system, a shift in the way I do things.
For instance, hating the results of making negative pronouncements over me as a child has caused me to be the change in parenting. I don't want my children to think that they are a regret, or a mistake or that they are worth nothing. I remember feeling very unhappy when I heard things like that being said to or about me as a child. I don't want to be a source of misery for my children or other people's children. 

Also, sometimes, we have to hate Egypt so that we do not go back there. Sure, it may feel good in the moment but the results of indulging in that sweet decadence are never good afterwards. We hate the feelings and everything else that comes afterwards. Still, do we hate it enough to stop? Do we hate it enough to save our lives or other people's lives?

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3. Creativity

This blog was created out of pain. From seasons of discomfort are born amazing creative works! Of course pain can be an excellent teacher but it requires an outlet to ease the heart. Some people write music, others poetry, books. Me? I start a blog! 

Being at home all day and hearing negativity in most conversations, on the news and even experiencing things that make me feel low emotionally, actually led me to writing this article. Sometimes the heart can get so full that if there is no way to ease it, it just explodes and I don't ever want to get any of that on anybody! No way! Not cool!

Being able to share my experiences with pain and healing have helped me to move on in a positive direction. I am also able to help others who are going through similar challenges. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Let the creative energy flow so that others can benefit as you benefit from sweet release.

4. Strength Training

I hate waiting for something that makes my mouth water for its savoury goodness. I hate when I have to wait for what seems like an eternity for the prize. I may know what it is or I may just have great expectations. I just want it NOW. But, although I hate the waiting and/or the uncertainty, I realise that the waiting season is in itself an adventure that can cause greater things to be born! Such things or qualities can guarantee a firm grasp on the jewel for which I wait or it make enable me to secure other gems to enjoy. Oh, such a wonderful thought! As I wait, my travel companions Patience, Faith and Determination get the chance to grow big and strong. They thrive in the season of waiting... a season I don't like but I have grown to appreciate. 

Sowing in tears? Click here.

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5. Beautiful Beginnings

I don't know what you call someone who hates losing but has learnt to accept loss because of a guarantee of greater things to come. That someone is me. I can recall having a lot of things and relationships that I felt were good for me only to lose them. I hate that shift so much! But... dare I hasten to suggest that I have learnt to rejoice? More often than not, you can find my eyes leaking for days or even months as I try to ease my hurt at the loss but something even better takes their place! Sometimes, I have to walk away from what I enjoy, and it hurts, but something so much better finally comes my way! Sometimes that 'something so much better' is peace and growth. Once, just before a move and a major shift in my life, the Lord told me that He wanted to make me fruitful. Sometimes, the change that I hate is for my own good.

Lost something? Click here.

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6. What you can't Cure, God will help you to Endure.

In the times that I hate how I feel or what is happening, that's when I hear even more from the Lord. One time, for instance, at about 3 am, I heard words of comfort in my spirit that I cannot repeat because I do not know that language, but I know they are words of comfort. Then He sent me to Ephesians 1:5 so that I know Almighty God is my family. This had happened before I lost a member of my family. 

I remember going through another rough season and I prayed in my heart for the Lord to hug me and a few days later, a sweet little lady walked up to me and gave me a hug! She said the Lord told her to hug me as soon as she saw me at work. 

How can I forget when I was finishing my first degree studies?! It was a difficult time. A colleague of mine had prophesied that I should go back to school even though I would have to work less hours and after I had just my son. Miraculously, money was sent to my bank account that was just enough to pay my debt from the first year of study when I had dropped out four years before! I gave up when I was doing my research paper. Then, I read the book of Nehemiah (I'm doing a great work and I cannot come down to your distraction) and listened to this song everyday. My grades in my final year, with the exception of one B, were all A's. Then, on the day I submitted my research paper, I was hired to teach at a school that offered more income and stability. Graduation was my victory ceremony!

It is never easy, but you are not alone. Abba is close to us when we struggle with the situations we hate but have to endure. This too shall pass...

Read the entire chapter about Nehemiah's response to his detractors here.

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In short...

Sometimes we have to hate something so much that our mindset can be shifted in order for us to experience greater things.

Almighty God still gives us beauty for ashes! Isaiah 61:3

The Life-Giving Power of Conversation

But encourage one another daily, while it is called today.

Hebrews 3:13

Fresh from the summer holidays, I was back at work and the conversations were the same that many teachers and other school staff have at the start of the school year. I was delighted to be back and I was completely engaged in the activities that preceded the official reopening of school; however, during the first week, I had a number of conversations that caused me to really think about this kind of human interaction. 

This week, I want to share my musings with you about the life-giving power of conversation.

The Life-Giving Power of Conversation

People talk. We talk about a lot of things everyday. Sometimes our conversations leave an indelible mark on our psychological person and so we have to understand the purpose, power and pitfalls of conversations.

Iron sharpens iron.

It was the end of the school day and while I waited on the most convenient time to leave before my next appointment, I quietly sat at my desk counting the minutes until a coworker and I had a rather stimulating conversation. I can't recall how it started but I remember how I felt after our talk. I can recall that it was not a superficial exchange but more of a meeting of the minds. I certainly found out that we have a number of shared interests and we were able to match wits about the fundamentals of our profession; but much more than that is what actually caused some aspects of our conversation to linger for a couple of days in my musing mind. So potent were the points raised that  some personal truths that were languishing in obscurity in the recesses of my mind were finally unearthed.I have had to really sift through my memories and gather myself so that I could realize that things could be different for me. Different better. That is the type of conversation that makes us better at who we are and what we do. That is the type of conversation that reminds us that other people are going through similar situations and knowing this gives us comfort. I didn't just walk away with things to think about; I walked away with tips that I tried and reaped success. 

Our conversations should be stimulating to the point where latent talents explode, hidden personal truths are acknowledged and dealt with, and the best within us becomes absolutely phenomenal! Do you know why? It is because good, deep conversations make us better people. 

Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20 (KJV)

Sometimes the nourisher needs nourishing.

This week, as I was reading T.D. Jakes' Woman, Thou Art Loosed, I learned that the nourisher needs nourishing. Ain’t that the truth?! I am a mother, teacher, sister (and you could add blogger) and so many other things. In these capacities, I try to build up others. I try to encourage others who may be struggling because our Father says this is what we ought to do (Hebrews 3:13)… but what do I do during those dark days? Of course, I try to encourage myself (if I remember to do so). We may spend so much time nourishing and fighting for others but we often forget that we too need to be encouraged, to be strengthened as we struggle too. 

I can remember one day I was going through one of the many trials I've had so far and I cried out to Abba in my spirit for Him to hold me. I never uttered a word but my spirit was in such anguish that all I could do was cry. Never mind not having the words because God understands tears. After all, Psalm 56:8 tells us that our tears are recorded in His book. So, our tears matter to Almighty God. They count! 
A couple of days later, an elderly woman who worked in the nursing department of the hospital where I worked at the time approached me with a big smile on her face and said that over the previous weekend, the Lord told her to give me a hug when she saw me again. Believe me when I tell you that I wept. Oh the love of Abba for me is excellent and everlasting! He had prepared the answer before I even asked! Isaiah 65:24

She not only gave me that hug, but she encouraged me and I was comforted by her obedience.

We ought to have more conversations that cause us to grow and to strengthen our communal bond. Indeed, there is truth in the scriptures about this: 

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Proverbs 27:9 (KJV)

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (KJV)

Be mindful of what you ingest.

We also need to be mindful of what we ingest even in conversation. The Word of God says  so we always need stay away from negativity. Negativity and unforgiveness are toxic. Walk away from talk that sows seeds of discord, hopelessness and that create and feed doubt in God's Word and love for you.

Sometimes some conversations are draining. Another coworker was sharing with me this week about a situation in which he found himself with someone who had certain beliefs about the identity of the true Jews. If there is some insight you want to share, it should not be that your audience feels pressured to accept the point or that you have to aggressively make your beliefs known. Having gone through this experience myself, I keep in mind the truth of the Word of God that says the wisdom that comes from our heavenly Father is "first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy" (James 3:17 KJV).

I also remember that "the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, ready to teach and patient" (2 Timothy 2:24 KJV).

Stay away from conversations that do not add value and strength to your life. If it doesn’t empower you, give life and strength to continue being your best or become exceptional, it’s no good for you.   

Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. Proverbs 22:24-25 (KJV)

Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.1 Corinthians 15:33 (KJV)

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) 

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29 (KJV)

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.James 3:17  (KJV)

It's Your Turn

Have you had any great, life-giving conversations lately? I would love to hear about it!

Until next time, my friends, have a blessed week being a blessing!

The Life-Changing Power of Struggle

Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.

Isaiah 66:9 (KJV)

Dear reader, I want to share with you the truth about me- the musing mom.

As a musing mom of 3 children, I am also a software programming student and I hold down a couple of jobs. I am not wealthy but I am a busy little bee who loves her life! Before I was even in college, I wanted to be a wife, mom to five children and a teacher. So far, I have met most of those goals and life has been having its own way with me! Oh boy, it has! People with whom I have interacted since I was a child have had the chance to see me smile and remember me by just my smile but… Behind my smile, I have been struggling and it ain’t pretty! This week, I want to share some of my story and how struggle is the catalyst for positive changes in my life and in the lives of others.

By the way, I'm not a earning anything speaking about the products I will mention in this article. I'm just a fan. 😃

The Life-Changing Power of Struggle

It seems like a million years since I paid attention to my health yet I have heard people say it is our greatest wealth. So many of my choices jeopardize my health everyday and here is the skinny on that:

Late Nights

I have had too many late nights because I have to grade hundreds of papers, complete tons of paperwork and complete mind-blowing assignments that have actually stretched me beyond the outskirts of my comfort and forbidden zones. Other times, I stay up late binging on YouTube videos about pretty planners, organization and time management, BookTube and The Golden Girls. Sometimes, I say I’m going to read a few chapters of the Bible but… Nope. I go down the rabbit hole of social media. D'you know what I mean?

School Struggles

Then there’s school. I just wanted to try something new and I am still thinking to myself, why does it have to be so difficult? Is it that I don’t know how to think in these studies I embarked on? One day I was telling my grandmother about the struggles I was experiencing in the software programming course I had enrolled in and I was asking how come I’m so ambitious to have set certain career goals. or rather, horizons. Many days I felt lost even when concepts were being explained to me by my peers. School has been very hard.

Sugar Addiction

Yep! I said it! Late nights, stress, and energy drinks such as the King Kong sugar jar called Arizona Herbal have been my companion during the late nights, the hot days and those smooth sailing days for months just because they "taste good". In the past couple of months, I’ve managed to drink at least one can of the King Kong sugar jar per day because I get them cheaper when I buy them wholesale. Hello, crazy weight gain!

Well, obviously!

Added to that is the soda culture that started in my house a few months ago as well. The number of sodas in my house increased as the heat of the summer skyrocketed. Added to that mix was the big chocolate strip pastry that one of my Grade 8 students called Diabetes.

I noticed that my available wardrobe was getting skinnier because my entire body was getting bigger; yet, it never occurred to me that… girl, watch that stuff you’re consuming!

When Friends go MIA (Missing in Action)

After experiencing the pain of loss and rejection in a lot of ways, I walk alone. It’s not necessarily by choice, but because sometimes, people outgrow each other or life takes us on separate paths. And that’s okay. I talk to everyone but I don’t hold anyone in such esteem anymore. It is always good and useful to have a friend who will not condemn you when you do stupid things. It’s good to have someone to laugh with and be a sounding board for ideas that even you think are crazy. In fact, we all need a friend like that who will show us grace when we’re not even giving it to ourselves. 

What I find is that I when I have a certain chemistry with a friend like that and then they just go silent or ghost me even, it hurts. It really does. You invest in a friendship and then they just disappear… Wow.

One time, I was in counselling after the depression diagnosis and I mentioned a close childhood friend of mine who was sent home from the job about a year before. She used to insist on us having lunch together so that I actually took an hour break from working. And we did so for about 2 years. After they let her go, I never had lunch with anyone for about 2 years. I had lunch by myself. Sure, we still talked on the phone sometimes and she would visit me once in a while so we could have lunch together, but I wasn’t close to anyone else like her or had someone else who cared enough to encourage me to take a break. So I had lunch alone. After telling the counsellor about this, she said I was still grieving my friend. I had lost my lunch buddy. Loss and rejection are not fun.

Missing my Offspring

In between work and school and life in general, I wasn’t hanging out with my littles! I love them but I wasn’t showing it the way children interpret love: TIME. How can I be ministering to other people and their children and I’m not ministering to the children Almighty God had placed in my own womb and who are a part of me? My first daughter has gotten so tall; my second girl wasn’t talking off my ear like she used to, and my son has an amazing smile and sense of humour! He wants to do his letters and numbers with me!

So… what’s your point, busy, complaining musing mom???

Here’s the Point (or Points):

Struggle is a gift.

Struggle is life-changing.

The Greatest Gifts in my Struggles

After reviewing my life and all the stuff that ain’t going right- because, believe me, I just want to do what is meaningful and what is pleasing to Almighty God- I’ve learned some beautiful lessons that are really life changing. Let's keep it simple. 

I made one choice: I chose health.

I Choose Health

I decided I want to be healthy psychologically, emotionally, physically, and socially.

I checked my weight, blood pressure and sugar, and I weigh the same as when I am about to give birth. In other words, I weigh the same as when I am heavily pregnant. My sugar level was healthy. I had actually done the test after one week of no sugary drinks or pastries. My blood pressure was high. No doubt it would have been because of the excessive weight gain. This was the pattern in the past. But I had had enough one week before my health checks. I decided to set new routines. In the past, I used routines to help me stay organized and healthy and they worked.

All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

1 Corinthians 6:12(KJV) 

Routines Create More Me Time 

Regardless of what is undone, I go to bed earlier 

because I have to do a lot in the morning before I get into the grind of the day. I put away my phone about 30 minutes before lights out at 10pm. I spend that 30 minutes reading something that can help me grow. I have a large number of 'quarterway' read and 'halfway' read books. Right now, I’m focusing on reading Brian Tracey’s Change Your Thinking,Change Your Life: How to Unlock Your Full Potential for Success and Achievement. Woman, Thou Art Loosed!: Healing the Wounds of the Past, The Great Investment: Balancing Faith,Family and Finance to Build a Rich Spiritual Life and The Lady, Her Lover, And Her Lord by T. D. Jakes are also in my home library and on my TBR (To Be Read list). Now that I have less screen time, I can focus longer on tasks such as reading. You should try it. Mel Robbins said that our phones are our tool but it is the other way around now. 

I declare that my phone is not in control anymore. 

I charge it in another room a couple of rooms away and I’m okay with that.

I have changed my eating habits and how I prepare my food. I walk briskly for 30 minutes in the morning. During that time, I talk with Abba as friend with friend. As I walk I express my gratitude that I can still move around at will, for instance.

I am my best friend. I’m not going anywhere without me. I have started having conversations with myself again. It’s a way to stay in touch with the Me no one else sees. I always encourage myself and give myself grace. I find that I really care about myself and that’s healthy. Giving myself hugs, pep talks and reminding myself of scriptures is more than I have ever received at any time from a friend. I love Me! Thanks to one of my lecturers and another insightful friend of mine who planted that seed in me: talk to yourself; be your own company; when everyone else leaves, you still have yourself. You have to love you first.

My children and I hang out more. We make it a point to watch movies together and do research on some people and things we see in them; we have readathons; we go out explore places; we play. Now, my girls enjoy reading books. My son operates the television himself; his programmes of choice nowadays on YouTube are alphabet and number videos.

All in all, I take one day at a time. Boundaries have been set, and my motivation is I don’t want to be on the road I was on earlier this year. Sometimes I crave sugary foods but I remember my lost waistline. And then, I remember the high blood pressure reading and the low energy. I get so much joy out of eating healthy, exercising, motivating others and reading. Why do I want to stop doing what I enjoy again because of certain decisions? I used to practise eating healthy and exercising years ago and I enjoyed it. Why stop again? 

This is the life I love.  

When You Struggle

Struggle will happen but NEVER stay in a rut when it comes. Evaluate it. Consider what will make the most impact in you life- the best investment- as a result of decisions you have to make in the struggle. Prayerfully move forward and ask the Lord to bless your efforts. You are not alone... Christ is your Greatest Support. He paid the price for the grace that God has extended to you everyday. He will not allow the struggle without causing wonderful to be born from it.  

Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.

Isaiah 66:9 (KJV)