Survivor Secrets: 7 Steps to Peace (When You Can't Talk about It...)

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

Hey friends!

I have a confession. Promise me that you won't tell anyone. Shhhhh!

I have a few secrets...

You know those dark places and spaces in time that we never ever want to talk about because if anybody knew about those dark areas, it would be devastating? Yes! I have those too.

Shhh…

But regardless of me thinking that it's all in the dark, someone else usually knows. In a few cases, the only person who knows is our Father. 

There are many things we try to hide, or sometimes it is too painful to share the information with someone else. We don't share it because of fear of something happening that we think is bigger than ourselves.

So, we keep it in the dark BUT our Father knows about it. He sees everything. the darkest night is noonday for Him, you know. Psalm 139:11-12

I know it would be devastating if anyone found out but you have to deal with it. 

My Testimony

I have struggled with a number of private sins over years even after I dedicated my life to the Lord. Additionally, as I read and meditate on the teachings in the Bible, I continue to discover more aspects of my personality and life that do not look Christ-like.

One thing I don’t tell people is that I can be quite abusive verbally when I get very angry and especially with certain triggers. It was in a time of great emotional upheaval that I realized this.

One dark and lonely night, I was about to publicize how I felt about someone who hurt me, and this as before the worst came. While I was plotting and getting ready to slander the person, in the silence of the darkness but the loudness of my pain, I heard a distinct voice speak firmly yet gently to me in my inner man, 

"Use your words to build up and not to tear down." (Ephesians 4:29)

I was deeply hurt and I was planning to tear down this person and God saw me. He saw my situation.  He saw my pain. I was in a dark room by myself crying and writhing in emotional anguish and He saw me. He saw the intentions of my heart. And he stopped me...

I put away my phone and I lay back and just let the hot tears flow.

Then I felt it.

It was a gentle touch then little sensations in my chest.  I could feel tiny movements in my chest! At the time I was not alarmed but I made a mental note of the feeling. I just lay there. Then I remember feeling different. The sensations had stopped and I took up my phone and searched for the scripture. I knew it was in Ephesians 4 near the end of the chapter. I had told many persons that we should use our words in positive ways and now I needed these words to minister to my own dark place. Soon, I found it. And I found something else. I found that I was at peace. The pain was still there but there was a peace in my spirit.  Praise the Lord for release!

Instead of slandering the person, I posted portions of this scripture instead: 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:29-32

I had an encounter with the Lord in that dark place and in many other dark places. I try my best to consciously select my words if I am at odds with someone. I do not want to slander anyone because that is not God’s will for me. My nature says I should give them a piece of my mind (Ephesians 2:3) but the Holy Spirit working through me makes me desire to be meek (Philippians2:13) because the fruit of the spirit is meekness (Galatians 5:22-23).

7 Steps to Peace (When You Can't Talk about It...)

As you go through the secret places, remember:

• Almighty God uses the dark seasons to pull you closer to Him and to transform us. Psalm71:20-21
• Our dark places can be a doorway to blessing for us and for others. Yes! Your victory could be a blessing for others. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 
• As a child of God Almighty, never use what you do in the dark to define who you are. Romans 8:1-2

But, we have to deal with the secret places in a positive way. Now, I’m not a psychiatrist. I’m a regular human being with struggles that I may not tell anyone about because they may be ugly or embarrassing but I have discovered that when I deal with them in the following way, I experience release, peace and better emotional health:

1.    Name it.

There is no use avoiding it anymore. Admit this is a part of your reality. This is a part of your experience at this time. If you desire deliverance, if you desire change, if you desire emotional health, you have to call it by its name. Is it envy, slander, stealing, adultery, any form of sexual sin, insecurity, gluttony, unforgiveness, doubt, comparison, anger issues? Be specific.

 

2.    Admit how you feel about it.

Be real. How do you really feel about it? Are you angry? Do you derive pleasure from it? Does it feel like you can’t go through the day without the person or the doing it? Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it cause you pain? Admit how you feel about it. Name the emotion. Feelings have a name. 

Then

3.    Examine why you really feel that way.

What is the real issue? Go deeper. It may be deeper than you think. How did it start? What are the triggers? Acknowledge them.

4.    Remember who You are in the Lord.

If you have already dedicated your life to the Lord, read the scriptures to discover who you are to Him.  Once you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Saviour, you have been redeemed! You already walk in purity, in victory, with a sound mind and you are loved by God Almighty. Accept that! That is your identity! Romans 8:1-2

 

5.    Search the Holy Bible for scriptures relating to the issue.

Whatever the issue that is bothering you, the Lord sees it and knows how you feel. He still cares about you and He desires tat you seek Him about the issue. Discover His will about the issue then

6.    Pray and meditate on scripture.

Collect the scriptures that reveal the Lord’s will about the issue. Pray the words of the verses back to the Lord and keep repeating them in your head as you go about your daily business (Psalm 1:2). Mediating on the scriptures will transform your behaviour with time because you use the Holy Scriptures to reprogramme the mind. Romans 12:2

In faith, do as the scriptures say (Psalm 119:9) because our Father's law is not just to point out sin. It is also for our protection.

7.    Don’t Give Up On Yourself! In Christ, you are not under condemnation!

Behaviour specialists say behaviour modification takes time and so does healing. It’s true. I’ve been there. That’s why you should NEVER give up! If you falter, get up, go back to God EVERY TIME! Stay with Him! Sin is never acceptable but NEVER give up on the work that God is doing in you. Remember that Almighty God makes EVERYTHING beautiful in His timing.  

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Bonus Step!   

Help others with the same struggles.

Always be ready with a heart of compassion to help others who you see are in a similar situation. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

They may not tell you their business, but you may recognize the signs because you were in a similar situation. Or, if it’s something people don’t talk about, use your victory as a way to see that we all struggle so we should be humble and not condemn others. EVERYBODY has issues.

It's Your Turn to Share! 

How do you get through the hard, secret places? Share your method and your testimony in the comments below.

Your story may save a life.

God bless you!