The Life-Giving Power of Conversation

But encourage one another daily, while it is called today.

Hebrews 3:13

Fresh from the summer holidays, I was back at work and the conversations were the same that many teachers and other school staff have at the start of the school year. I was delighted to be back and I was completely engaged in the activities that preceded the official reopening of school; however, during the first week, I had a number of conversations that caused me to really think about this kind of human interaction. 

This week, I want to share my musings with you about the life-giving power of conversation.

The Life-Giving Power of Conversation

People talk. We talk about a lot of things everyday. Sometimes our conversations leave an indelible mark on our psychological person and so we have to understand the purpose, power and pitfalls of conversations.

Iron sharpens iron.

It was the end of the school day and while I waited on the most convenient time to leave before my next appointment, I quietly sat at my desk counting the minutes until a coworker and I had a rather stimulating conversation. I can't recall how it started but I remember how I felt after our talk. I can recall that it was not a superficial exchange but more of a meeting of the minds. I certainly found out that we have a number of shared interests and we were able to match wits about the fundamentals of our profession; but much more than that is what actually caused some aspects of our conversation to linger for a couple of days in my musing mind. So potent were the points raised that  some personal truths that were languishing in obscurity in the recesses of my mind were finally unearthed.I have had to really sift through my memories and gather myself so that I could realize that things could be different for me. Different better. That is the type of conversation that makes us better at who we are and what we do. That is the type of conversation that reminds us that other people are going through similar situations and knowing this gives us comfort. I didn't just walk away with things to think about; I walked away with tips that I tried and reaped success. 

Our conversations should be stimulating to the point where latent talents explode, hidden personal truths are acknowledged and dealt with, and the best within us becomes absolutely phenomenal! Do you know why? It is because good, deep conversations make us better people. 

Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20 (KJV)

Sometimes the nourisher needs nourishing.

This week, as I was reading T.D. Jakes' Woman, Thou Art Loosed, I learned that the nourisher needs nourishing. Ain’t that the truth?! I am a mother, teacher, sister (and you could add blogger) and so many other things. In these capacities, I try to build up others. I try to encourage others who may be struggling because our Father says this is what we ought to do (Hebrews 3:13)… but what do I do during those dark days? Of course, I try to encourage myself (if I remember to do so). We may spend so much time nourishing and fighting for others but we often forget that we too need to be encouraged, to be strengthened as we struggle too. 

I can remember one day I was going through one of the many trials I've had so far and I cried out to Abba in my spirit for Him to hold me. I never uttered a word but my spirit was in such anguish that all I could do was cry. Never mind not having the words because God understands tears. After all, Psalm 56:8 tells us that our tears are recorded in His book. So, our tears matter to Almighty God. They count! 
A couple of days later, an elderly woman who worked in the nursing department of the hospital where I worked at the time approached me with a big smile on her face and said that over the previous weekend, the Lord told her to give me a hug when she saw me again. Believe me when I tell you that I wept. Oh the love of Abba for me is excellent and everlasting! He had prepared the answer before I even asked! Isaiah 65:24

She not only gave me that hug, but she encouraged me and I was comforted by her obedience.

We ought to have more conversations that cause us to grow and to strengthen our communal bond. Indeed, there is truth in the scriptures about this: 

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Proverbs 27:9 (KJV)

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (KJV)

Be mindful of what you ingest.

We also need to be mindful of what we ingest even in conversation. The Word of God says  so we always need stay away from negativity. Negativity and unforgiveness are toxic. Walk away from talk that sows seeds of discord, hopelessness and that create and feed doubt in God's Word and love for you.

Sometimes some conversations are draining. Another coworker was sharing with me this week about a situation in which he found himself with someone who had certain beliefs about the identity of the true Jews. If there is some insight you want to share, it should not be that your audience feels pressured to accept the point or that you have to aggressively make your beliefs known. Having gone through this experience myself, I keep in mind the truth of the Word of God that says the wisdom that comes from our heavenly Father is "first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy" (James 3:17 KJV).

I also remember that "the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, ready to teach and patient" (2 Timothy 2:24 KJV).

Stay away from conversations that do not add value and strength to your life. If it doesn’t empower you, give life and strength to continue being your best or become exceptional, it’s no good for you.   

Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. Proverbs 22:24-25 (KJV)

Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.1 Corinthians 15:33 (KJV)

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) 

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29 (KJV)

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.James 3:17  (KJV)

It's Your Turn

Have you had any great, life-giving conversations lately? I would love to hear about it!

Until next time, my friends, have a blessed week being a blessing!

The Life-Changing Power of Struggle

Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.

Isaiah 66:9 (KJV)

Dear reader, I want to share with you the truth about me- the musing mom.

As a musing mom of 3 children, I am also a software programming student and I hold down a couple of jobs. I am not wealthy but I am a busy little bee who loves her life! Before I was even in college, I wanted to be a wife, mom to five children and a teacher. So far, I have met most of those goals and life has been having its own way with me! Oh boy, it has! People with whom I have interacted since I was a child have had the chance to see me smile and remember me by just my smile but… Behind my smile, I have been struggling and it ain’t pretty! This week, I want to share some of my story and how struggle is the catalyst for positive changes in my life and in the lives of others.

By the way, I'm not a earning anything speaking about the products I will mention in this article. I'm just a fan. 😃

The Life-Changing Power of Struggle

It seems like a million years since I paid attention to my health yet I have heard people say it is our greatest wealth. So many of my choices jeopardize my health everyday and here is the skinny on that:

Late Nights

I have had too many late nights because I have to grade hundreds of papers, complete tons of paperwork and complete mind-blowing assignments that have actually stretched me beyond the outskirts of my comfort and forbidden zones. Other times, I stay up late binging on YouTube videos about pretty planners, organization and time management, BookTube and The Golden Girls. Sometimes, I say I’m going to read a few chapters of the Bible but… Nope. I go down the rabbit hole of social media. D'you know what I mean?

School Struggles

Then there’s school. I just wanted to try something new and I am still thinking to myself, why does it have to be so difficult? Is it that I don’t know how to think in these studies I embarked on? One day I was telling my grandmother about the struggles I was experiencing in the software programming course I had enrolled in and I was asking how come I’m so ambitious to have set certain career goals. or rather, horizons. Many days I felt lost even when concepts were being explained to me by my peers. School has been very hard.

Sugar Addiction

Yep! I said it! Late nights, stress, and energy drinks such as the King Kong sugar jar called Arizona Herbal have been my companion during the late nights, the hot days and those smooth sailing days for months just because they "taste good". In the past couple of months, I’ve managed to drink at least one can of the King Kong sugar jar per day because I get them cheaper when I buy them wholesale. Hello, crazy weight gain!

Well, obviously!

Added to that is the soda culture that started in my house a few months ago as well. The number of sodas in my house increased as the heat of the summer skyrocketed. Added to that mix was the big chocolate strip pastry that one of my Grade 8 students called Diabetes.

I noticed that my available wardrobe was getting skinnier because my entire body was getting bigger; yet, it never occurred to me that… girl, watch that stuff you’re consuming!

When Friends go MIA (Missing in Action)

After experiencing the pain of loss and rejection in a lot of ways, I walk alone. It’s not necessarily by choice, but because sometimes, people outgrow each other or life takes us on separate paths. And that’s okay. I talk to everyone but I don’t hold anyone in such esteem anymore. It is always good and useful to have a friend who will not condemn you when you do stupid things. It’s good to have someone to laugh with and be a sounding board for ideas that even you think are crazy. In fact, we all need a friend like that who will show us grace when we’re not even giving it to ourselves. 

What I find is that I when I have a certain chemistry with a friend like that and then they just go silent or ghost me even, it hurts. It really does. You invest in a friendship and then they just disappear… Wow.

One time, I was in counselling after the depression diagnosis and I mentioned a close childhood friend of mine who was sent home from the job about a year before. She used to insist on us having lunch together so that I actually took an hour break from working. And we did so for about 2 years. After they let her go, I never had lunch with anyone for about 2 years. I had lunch by myself. Sure, we still talked on the phone sometimes and she would visit me once in a while so we could have lunch together, but I wasn’t close to anyone else like her or had someone else who cared enough to encourage me to take a break. So I had lunch alone. After telling the counsellor about this, she said I was still grieving my friend. I had lost my lunch buddy. Loss and rejection are not fun.

Missing my Offspring

In between work and school and life in general, I wasn’t hanging out with my littles! I love them but I wasn’t showing it the way children interpret love: TIME. How can I be ministering to other people and their children and I’m not ministering to the children Almighty God had placed in my own womb and who are a part of me? My first daughter has gotten so tall; my second girl wasn’t talking off my ear like she used to, and my son has an amazing smile and sense of humour! He wants to do his letters and numbers with me!

So… what’s your point, busy, complaining musing mom???

Here’s the Point (or Points):

Struggle is a gift.

Struggle is life-changing.

The Greatest Gifts in my Struggles

After reviewing my life and all the stuff that ain’t going right- because, believe me, I just want to do what is meaningful and what is pleasing to Almighty God- I’ve learned some beautiful lessons that are really life changing. Let's keep it simple. 

I made one choice: I chose health.

I Choose Health

I decided I want to be healthy psychologically, emotionally, physically, and socially.

I checked my weight, blood pressure and sugar, and I weigh the same as when I am about to give birth. In other words, I weigh the same as when I am heavily pregnant. My sugar level was healthy. I had actually done the test after one week of no sugary drinks or pastries. My blood pressure was high. No doubt it would have been because of the excessive weight gain. This was the pattern in the past. But I had had enough one week before my health checks. I decided to set new routines. In the past, I used routines to help me stay organized and healthy and they worked.

All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

1 Corinthians 6:12(KJV) 

Routines Create More Me Time 

Regardless of what is undone, I go to bed earlier 

because I have to do a lot in the morning before I get into the grind of the day. I put away my phone about 30 minutes before lights out at 10pm. I spend that 30 minutes reading something that can help me grow. I have a large number of 'quarterway' read and 'halfway' read books. Right now, I’m focusing on reading Brian Tracey’s Change Your Thinking,Change Your Life: How to Unlock Your Full Potential for Success and Achievement. Woman, Thou Art Loosed!: Healing the Wounds of the Past, The Great Investment: Balancing Faith,Family and Finance to Build a Rich Spiritual Life and The Lady, Her Lover, And Her Lord by T. D. Jakes are also in my home library and on my TBR (To Be Read list). Now that I have less screen time, I can focus longer on tasks such as reading. You should try it. Mel Robbins said that our phones are our tool but it is the other way around now. 

I declare that my phone is not in control anymore. 

I charge it in another room a couple of rooms away and I’m okay with that.

I have changed my eating habits and how I prepare my food. I walk briskly for 30 minutes in the morning. During that time, I talk with Abba as friend with friend. As I walk I express my gratitude that I can still move around at will, for instance.

I am my best friend. I’m not going anywhere without me. I have started having conversations with myself again. It’s a way to stay in touch with the Me no one else sees. I always encourage myself and give myself grace. I find that I really care about myself and that’s healthy. Giving myself hugs, pep talks and reminding myself of scriptures is more than I have ever received at any time from a friend. I love Me! Thanks to one of my lecturers and another insightful friend of mine who planted that seed in me: talk to yourself; be your own company; when everyone else leaves, you still have yourself. You have to love you first.

My children and I hang out more. We make it a point to watch movies together and do research on some people and things we see in them; we have readathons; we go out explore places; we play. Now, my girls enjoy reading books. My son operates the television himself; his programmes of choice nowadays on YouTube are alphabet and number videos.

All in all, I take one day at a time. Boundaries have been set, and my motivation is I don’t want to be on the road I was on earlier this year. Sometimes I crave sugary foods but I remember my lost waistline. And then, I remember the high blood pressure reading and the low energy. I get so much joy out of eating healthy, exercising, motivating others and reading. Why do I want to stop doing what I enjoy again because of certain decisions? I used to practise eating healthy and exercising years ago and I enjoyed it. Why stop again? 

This is the life I love.  

When You Struggle

Struggle will happen but NEVER stay in a rut when it comes. Evaluate it. Consider what will make the most impact in you life- the best investment- as a result of decisions you have to make in the struggle. Prayerfully move forward and ask the Lord to bless your efforts. You are not alone... Christ is your Greatest Support. He paid the price for the grace that God has extended to you everyday. He will not allow the struggle without causing wonderful to be born from it.  

Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.

Isaiah 66:9 (KJV)

From Married to Single: Why I Don't Flirt

Kings' daughters were among thy honourable women... Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father's house; so shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.

Psalm 45:9-11

"You know, girls, in the past year I have seen 2 guys that I kinda liked a little. Well, they surely caught my interest," I said casually one morning when my daughters and I were having "girly" conversations. 

When I looked up at them, I saw that their eyes had grown wide and their jaws had dropped. It was a funny sight so I enquired what was wrong. I had never seen them react that way before and hahahahahah, it was quite amusing! 

In response to my question they quickly drew closer to me saying that they wanted to hear everything! Their interest was piqued! We would be having a conversation about boys... Boys that Mommy liked!  

Hahahahaha!

So, after laughing at their reactions I proceeded to tell them about about the 2 gentlemen who were interesting enough to capture my attention for a little while. It was during this talk that I taught my daughters- ages 10 and 12 years old- how to behave around the boys that we like. 

In other words, I'm going to tell you why I don't flirt.

See other articles in the 'From Married to Single' series:

From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness

From Married to Single: How I am Surviving Loneliness

From Married to Single: Why I Don't Flirt

One morning I opened up to my daughters about my love life in one of our girly conversations. As a fresh divorcee, I have been focusing on improving in a number of areas in my life. I'm one of those career women and so now that I have some time on my hands, I'm investing in my career. I met 2 gentlemen through this investment. One of them is incredibly talented, insightful and funny in a 'laugh out loud' way. We had some fun times hanging out with each other as friends. I like his personality and he has a few physical features that are aesthetically pleasing. But... naw. He wasn't a match for me spiritually.

Some time after, I met someone else who caused my frontal lobe to light up because of his own intelligence. To say that I'm sapiosexual is a bit of a stretch but we did have discussions that I haven't had with a man in many blue moons. I don't normally get to associate with men who are seeking to improve their professional prowess and service to humanity and actually want to discuss it... with me! So, of course I wanted to dive into that ocean of intellectual-humanitarian bliss!

But...

I did the only thing I could do as a woman who loves the Lord more than a life partner... I went home and spoke with the Lord about these guys. 

I found Man #2 particularly interesting at that time so I spoke specifically about him to Father. 

I said, "Abba, I like Man #2 because he excites my cognitive domain. He makes me think and learn and he's smart and a gentlemen who believes in offering high quality service to humanity. And he talks about You. I admire those qualities... but Lord, I don't want to do anything now that I may regret later. You have plans for my life and I trust You. I am not going to do anything to try to get his attention. I won't turn on the charm or flirt. If it is Your will for him to be in my life, let him pursue me. Then I will know. Thank You for loving me as much as You do, Abba. Amen."

And that was it.

I decided that I would not flirt. I would not show any signs that I'm attracted to him. I would just act like all the days are beautiful anyway... because they are! 

I would be cool.

In my spirit, I heard the Lord speaking to me: He was happy about my decision and resolve. I meant every word in my prayer. I put my trust in Almighty God and not in my feelings, not in intellectual stimualtion, not in this person's words, not in ambition. 

That day, He took me back to Psalm 45: The Queen's Psalm is what I call it.

Psalm 45: 7-17 (KJV) states: 

7 Thou lovest righteousness, and hatest wickedness: therefore God, thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.

8 All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad.

9 Kings' daughters were among thy honourable women: upon thy right hand did stand the queen in gold of Ophir.

10 Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father's house;

11 So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.

12 And the daughter of Tyre shall be there with a gift; even the rich among the people shall intreat thy favour.

13 The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.

14 She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework: the virgins her companions that follow her shall be brought unto thee.

15 With gladness and rejoicing shall they be brought: they shall enter into the king's palace.

16 Instead of thy fathers shall be thy children, whom thou mayest make princes in all the earth.

17 I will make thy name to be remembered in all generations: therefore shall the people praise thee for ever and ever.

I am the Prize

After reading this psalm, I saw again that because of the value the Lord has placed on me as a woman, I don't need to flirt because it can bring pain that I don't need. I don't let my feelings lead me because feelings are always changing. Even moreso now, I stand by my decision to take a hint from nature itself: the egg doesn't chase the sperm. It's the other way around.

In other words, I am the prize. My beauty, my intellect and my ambitions are grounded in the Word and pleasure of the Lord. I am special to Him so I try to allow Him to govern my desires and friendships. 

Depending on my femininity to achieve what I want to soothe the longings of my fickle feelings is not the best idea. I have learned that the hard way. I have resolved to depend on the Lord to send whoever and whatever I need when the time arises; or for me to learn the lessons in the situation so that I can grow. Not everything that looks appealing when I am hungry is good for me.

Psalm 107:9(KJV)

For He satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.

Proverbs 27:7(KJV)

The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.

Queens Don't Chase Kings

This is what I taught my daughters:

You are princesses now but one day, God's willing, you will grow up to be queens, and men will want to have a relationship with you. Remember this: always be godly ladies. Set goals and pursue education because having an education increases your options for occupation. Be polite. This is what royalty do. You are queens in the making and queens don't chase kings. 

My daughters shared something with me that day. They told me that they never expected that I would have liked anyone else after their Dad beacuse I never seemed interested in 'boys'. But, they were excited that I could still feel that way. 

They said that they want me to be happy. 

The Queen's Responsibility

I have a responsibility to teach my children sound values. I have a responsibility to teach them to have respect for Almighty God so that they can be respectful of humanity and be of service in order to build up others. It is my responsibility to teach them that love for and trust in God takes precedence over 'being all up in their feelings'. It is my responsibility to raise them in a way that they can survive in this world without me. 

May my legacy to my children be that we act like royalty in God's eyes, that we be honourable in our dealings with mankind because we have been taught at the feet of Jesus Christ to live that way.

Summary

I don't flirt because I don't need to. I am the prize.

Follow my musings on transitioning From Married to Single!

From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness

From Married to Single: How I am Surviving Loneliness