Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
1 Peter 5:7(KJV)
After my heart broke into a million pieces hearing that I would be
a divorcee, I did not know what would happen to me or my children. I didn’t
know how to face the future. I felt like I was approaching an unknown world. I
was sad, afraid, confused and unsure of myself. For over 10 years, I had
identified myself as a married woman with children and then… I just wasn’t sure
how to be… single. But, I’m surviving with the help of Almighty
God. I’m ready to share with you how I have been surviving and thriving
despite loneliness as a Single after Marriage.
From Married to Single: How I am Surviving Loneliness
Fact: Singles get Lonely
The first person Abba sent my way to educate me about singleness
was T. When I was married, she was a Single and now that she is married, I am
the Single. She told me of all the wonderful things she did as a single young
woman in her twenties. Boy, she had FUN! She spent time with
friends, travelled, was involved in church and had a lot of great experiences.
That’s the fun side of being single. But then there’s the other side… There’s
the uncomfortably unhappy side. It’s that side where loneliness lives and he
comes to visit when you’re single and even when you have partner. Loneliness
pops up sometimes whenyou desire to have a partner… especially when everyone
else has someone or when they’re all getting married and you’re either in the
bridal party or ypu're a guest at the wedding. That’s the tough part- dealing
with loneliness.
Oh boy! That part sank deeply into every layer of my
consciousness. I knew what she was talking about and I wasn’t sure how I would
handle that. I wasn’t sure how to handle that as a single woman but I had hope.
Yes! I had hope because I had knowledge and they say “Knowledge is Power!”
At least I knew what to expect. I could brace myself for
loneliness even though I was not sure yet how I would handle it.
Dealing with Loneliness
One day he visited. Mr. Loneliness turned up uninvited to my room
one night. He lay beside me in bed and wrapped his arms around me. He enveloped
my existence. I felt like I was drowning in a cruel mix of alone-ness and
grief. The world felt empty around me and I was uneasy. I wanted to do
something. I felt desperate! I. Needed. To. DO. Something! I'm always doing something
so I felt like I had to DO... I had to ACT!
Who could I call? I had a husband once that I could talk with and
talk at before and now, I just wanted to talk. I wanted to share my plans, my
dreams, my ideas... my pains. I wanted a listening ear next to when I share my
aspirations. I wanted someone to talk with: not my children. Not my parents.
Not a girlfriend. I wanted a companion that I could talk with until late into
the night about all those delicate plans, those amazing observations and
phenomenal ideas that blew my mind at the time! Every time!
For a while, I had those feelings. As a matter of fact, Mr.
Loneliness still visits but it’s not so bad now. Oh yes, that raggedy old boy
still visits but this sister is rejoicing because I saw the Light! I am happy
to report that I’m doing just fine now.
One day I just about had enough of Mr. Loneliness. He was stealing
my Joy! That alone forced me to really DO something about that unwelcomed,
pilfering visitor. I started to do some research on him. That character is
relentless so I, in turn, relentlessly pursued knowledge about him!
From my research and experimentation, I discovered 3 things:
1.
I wasn’t created to be alone.
There
is a reason the Lord lead me back to my childhood home. He knows what I can
handle. He also led me to a new church where I met a friend that has a similar
experience of marriage to singleness. We talk about the effects of grieving our
loss. This is the gift of family. Friends, we were never created to be alone.
Psalm 68:6 (KJV)
God setteth the solitary
in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the
rebellious dwell in a dry land.
Genesis 2:18 (KJV)
And
the Lord God said, It is not good that the man(kind) should be alone.
2. Mr. Loneliness visits more often and stays longer when I’m not spending regular quality time with my Heavenly Father.
I realize that sometimes I
am busy for extended periods because I have a number of commitments. I get
hungry. Spiritually hungry. Every time I pause to worship when I start feeling
lonely, His Holy Spirit sends Mr. Loneliness packing! I worship! I read the
scriptures to focus on the identity of my Father. I talk to Abba as if He’s my
Friend right there beside me… because He is! Worship does it all the time!
Psalm 4:3-4
But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly
for himself: the Lord will hear when I call unto him. Stand in
awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be
still.
Psalm 77:6
I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own
heart: and my spirit made diligent search.
Revelation 3:20 (KJV)
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice,
and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with
me.
3. Loneliness is a fickle feeling.
I learned that loneliness
is a feeling and feelings are fickle. That’s right! Fickle feelings! This means
that feelings are always changing so don’t go searching for a partner just
because you feel lonely! That can lead to waking up beside someone you probably
shouldn’t have spent the night with; and let’s not even try to get into further
complications because of that! Lonely feelings are never license to have sex with someone, get drunk or do drugs. Friends, don’t use loneliness as an excuse
to ‘Do. Something.’ drastic like those things because the repercussions are not
worth it. Your value and self-respect are worth more than a moment of pleasure
that numbs the feeling of loneliness which always comes back when the high
wears off.
Personally, my walk with Christ is important to me because I have tried a lot of things BUT my relationship with Christ is the only thing that is meaningful and long lasting for me. I have been rejected by those I love and trusted, I lost a lot of stuff and I disappointed myself BUT... nothing or no one has ever made me have peace like my friendship with the Lord. Almighty God is the only example of stability in my life and I don't regret being chosen by Him to be a part of His kingdom.
I don't know about you but sex, liquor and drugs: they just don't do it for me. I'm in this for a lifetime of something I can depend on and not a distraction that lasts for a moment. Belief in Almighty God makes everything -even loneliness- meaningful. Father has allowed me to suffer loneliness so that I can be a victor and not victim of it... so I can tell you that it is possible...
It is possible to survive and thrive despite feeling lonely sometimes.
Summary
Loneliness will come when
you transition from Married to Single but it’s not the end of the world.
Loneliness is a fickle feeling that means that we need to spend more time
focusing on worthwhile activities and people like worship and being thankful
for our family and friends who genuinely care about us.
How about you?
Does Mr. Loneliness visit you too? How do you deal with loneliness or better yet, how have you been blessed or been a blessing despite loneliness? Share your answers in the comments section below!
Remember click Follow so you will be notified when I post the next articles in the 'From Married to Single' series in which I share Fatherly advice the Lord gave me about men; how I went from crazy pain to forgiving; and why I don't flirt anymore (Yes, I used to flirt!). Coming soon!
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