The Musing Mom: From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness

And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that thou shalt call me Ishi; and shalt call me no more Baali.

Hosea 2:16(KJV)

I think I cried everyday but mostly on Thursdays when I finished work early. My brother was home so I wasn't alone but I would sink into an abyss of grief at the loss of a way of life, loss of my 'identity', loss of my stability for over a decade. It was a dark time.

One Sunday morning, I went to the final session of a weekend family conference at my church. About a year before, I had prayed for the Lord to show me which church to attend because there were so many branches of my church around the area where I reside. Heavenly Father had directed me to go to the branch just across the park from my home. Since I've been there, I have learned a lot. You know, it's a 'right place at the right time' type of thing.

So, on this particular Sunday morning, I went to church and I did not know I would leave with changed perspective about my transition from Married to Single.

From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness

I sat in the front row. That's where I normally sit when I want to learn something at school or in workshop. Today, I sat across from Dr. C. She wore a purple scarf over her hair. She had an air of royalty about her: I could sense the strength she possessed as she moved quietly and calmly to the lecturn. I could sense that her confidence was deeply rooted in her identity as a woman of God (1 Peter 3:3-4). I could tell that she had been with the Lord.

The men were in their session at the back of the church with Dr. C (the husband) and the women were at the front with Dr. C (the wife).

Dr. C (the wife) invited us to ask about the things that troubled us. Without hesitation, I rose my hand to find out the one thing that was plaguing me at that point in time.

"Dr. C, I don't know how to be single!"

This I said after I briefly related my story that I was once married and now, things were different because I ... I was in the process of divorce. I was not sure how to 'be' a Single because I identified myself as a married woman with children for over a decade (which is not the truth about who I really am. That's another article!).

Dr. C's calm exterior bore a look of sympathy as she listened to my story and then she asked, "Sister, what is your name?"

After I told her my name, she suggested that everyone in our group should reach out to me. She was going to pray for me. It was a grand group hug that I didn't know I needed!

Dr. C prayed about my situtaion, my confusion and disappointment and when she finished praying she gave a me a message from our Father:

"The Lord said He is your Husband. You don't need to worry about transitioning from Married to Single or how to be single. He is everything you need when you are married and when you are single. He is the One who takes care of you in every season. So, do not worry yourself about it. Let Him take care of you."

And that was it.

I looked at my life from a different perspective from that Sunday morning. My confusion, my doubts, my worry: they were all forgotten at that moment. And they are still forgotten. I don't think about myself as just a Single or that I was Married.

I started internalizing the scriptures that the Lord had impressed upon me before and after the divorce process had started:

Hosea 2:16(KJV)

And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that thou shalt call me Ishi (Husband; the One who cares, provides and protects me); and shalt call me no more Baali (Master).

Isaiah 54:4-8

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.

Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.“For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment,but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord your Redeemer.

Isaiah 43:18-19

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Job 14:14(KJV)

... All the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come.

I started looking at my life from Father's perspective. I know that I am pursued by a God who loves me despite my flaws. I know that I am loved and complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10). I know that I am not saved by what I do or don't do but I am saved by His grace (Ephesians 2:8-9).