Psalm 45:9-11
"You know, girls, in the past year I have seen 2 guys that I kinda liked a little. Well, they surely caught my interest," I said casually one morning when my daughters and I were having "girly" conversations.
When I looked up at them, I saw that their eyes had grown wide and their jaws had dropped. It was a funny sight so I enquired what was wrong. I had never seen them react that way before and hahahahahah, it was quite amusing!
In response to my question they quickly drew closer to me saying that they wanted to hear everything! Their interest was piqued! We would be having a conversation about boys... Boys that Mommy liked!
Hahahahaha!
So, after laughing at their reactions I proceeded to tell them about about the 2 gentlemen who were interesting enough to capture my attention for a little while. It was during this talk that I taught my daughters- ages 10 and 12 years old- how to behave around the boys that we like.
In other words, I'm going to tell you why I don't flirt.
See other articles in the 'From Married to Single' series:
See other articles in the 'From Married to Single' series:
From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness
From Married to Single: Why I Don't Flirt
One morning I opened up to my daughters about my love life in one of our girly conversations. As a fresh divorcee, I have been focusing on improving in a number of areas in my life. I'm one of those career women and so now that I have some time on my hands, I'm investing in my career. I met 2 gentlemen through this investment. One of them is incredibly talented, insightful and funny in a 'laugh out loud' way. We had some fun times hanging out with each other as friends. I like his personality and he has a few physical features that are aesthetically pleasing. But... naw. He wasn't a match for me spiritually.
Some time after, I met someone else who caused my frontal lobe to light up because of his own intelligence. To say that I'm sapiosexual is a bit of a stretch but we did have discussions that I haven't had with a man in many blue moons. I don't normally get to associate with men who are seeking to improve their professional prowess and service to humanity and actually want to discuss it... with me! So, of course I wanted to dive into that ocean of intellectual-humanitarian bliss!
But...
I did the only thing I could do as a woman who loves the Lord more than a life partner... I went home and spoke with the Lord about these guys.
I found Man #2 particularly interesting at that time so I spoke specifically about him to Father.
I said, "Abba, I like Man #2 because he excites my cognitive domain. He makes me think and learn and he's smart and a gentlemen who believes in offering high quality service to humanity. And he talks about You. I admire those qualities... but Lord, I don't want to do anything now that I may regret later. You have plans for my life and I trust You. I am not going to do anything to try to get his attention. I won't turn on the charm or flirt. If it is Your will for him to be in my life, let him pursue me. Then I will know. Thank You for loving me as much as You do, Abba. Amen."
I decided that I would not flirt. I would not show any signs that I'm attracted to him. I would just act like all the days are beautiful anyway... because they are! I would be cool.
In my spirit, I heard the Lord speaking to me: He was happy about my decision and resolve. I meant every word in my prayer. I put my trust in Almighty God and not in my feelings, not in intellectual stimualtion, not in this person's words, not in ambition.
7 Thou lovest righteousness, and hatest wickedness: therefore God, thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.
8 All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad.
9 Kings' daughters were among thy honourable women: upon thy right hand did stand the queen in gold of Ophir.
10 Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father's house;
11 So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.
12 And the daughter of Tyre shall be there with a gift; even the rich among the people shall intreat thy favour.
13 The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.
14 She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework: the virgins her companions that follow her shall be brought unto thee.
15 With gladness and rejoicing shall they be brought: they shall enter into the king's palace.
17 I will make thy name to be remembered in all generations: therefore shall the people praise thee for ever and ever.
I am the Prize
In other words, I am the prize. My beauty, my intellect and my ambitions are grounded in the Word and pleasure of the Lord. I am special to Him so I try to allow Him to govern my desires and friendships.
Depending on my femininity to achieve what I want to soothe the longings of my fickle feelings is not the best idea. I have learned that the hard way. I have resolved to depend on the Lord to send whoever and whatever I need when the time arises; or for me to learn the lessons in the situation so that I can grow. Not everything that looks appealing when I am hungry is good for me.
Psalm 107:9(KJV)
For He satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.
Proverbs 27:7(KJV)
The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.
Queens Don't Chase Kings
This is what I taught my daughters:
You are princesses now but one day, God's willing, you will grow up to be queens, and men will want to have a relationship with you. Remember this: always be godly ladies. Set goals and pursue education because having an education increases your options for occupation. Be polite. This is what royalty do. You are queens in the making and queens don't chase kings.
My daughters shared something with me that day. They told me that they never expected that I would have liked anyone else after their Dad beacuse I never seemed interested in 'boys'. But, they were excited that I could still feel that way.
They said that they want me to be happy.
The Queen's Responsibility
I have a responsibility to teach my children sound values. I have a responsibility to teach them to have respect for Almighty God so that they can be respectful of humanity and be of service in order to build up others. It is my responsibility to teach them that love for and trust in God takes precedence over 'being all up in their feelings'. It is my responsibility to raise them in a way that they can survive in this world without me.
May my legacy to my children be that we act like royalty in God's eyes, that we be honourable in our dealings with mankind because we have been taught at the feet of Jesus Christ to live that way.
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