From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness

And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that thou shalt call me Ishi; and shalt call me no more Baali.

Hosea 2:16(KJV)

I think I cried everyday but mostly on Thursdays when I finished work early. My brother was home so I wasn't alone but I would sink into an abyss of grief at the loss of a way of life, loss of my 'identity', loss of my stability for over a decade. It was a dark time. 

One Sunday morning, I went to the final session of a weekend family conference at my church. About a year before, I had prayed for the Lord to show me which church to attend because there were so many branches of my church around the area where I reside. Heavenly Father had directed me to go to the branch just across the park from my home. Since I've been there, I have learned a lot. You know, it's a 'right place at the right time' type of thing.

So, on this particular Sunday morning, I went to church and I did not know I would leave with changed perspective about my transition from Married to Single.

From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness

I sat in the front row. That's where I normally sit when I want to learn something at school or in workshop. Today, I sat across from Dr. C. She wore a purple scarf over her hair. She had an air of royalty about her: I could sense the strength she possessed as she moved quietly and calmly to the lecturn. I could sense that her confidence was deeply rooted in her identity as a woman of God (1 Peter 3:3-4). I could tell that she had been with the Lord. 

The men were in their session at the back of the church with Dr. C (the husband) and the women were at the front with Dr. C (the wife). 

Dr. C (the wife) invited us to ask about the things that troubled us. Without hesitation, I rose my hand to find out the one thing that was plaguing me at that point in time. 

"Dr. C, I don't know how to be single!"

This I said after I briefly related my story that I was once married and now, things were different because I ... I was in the process of divorce. I was not sure how to 'be' a Single because I identified myself as a married woman with children for over a decade (which is not the truth about who I really am. That's another article!). 

Dr. C's calm exterior bore a look of sympathy as she listened to my story and then she asked, "Sister, what is your name?"

After I told her my name, she suggested that everyone in our group should reach out to me. She was going to pray for me. It was a grand group hug that I didn't know I needed! 

Dr. C prayed about my situtaion, my confusion and disappointment and when she finished praying she gave a me a message from our Father:

"The Lord said He is your Husband. You don't need to worry about transitioning from Married to Single or how to be single. He is everything you need when you are married and when you are single. He is the One who takes care of you in every season. So, do not worry yourself about it. Let Him take care of you." 

And that was it.

I looked at my life from a different perspective from that Sunday morning. My confusion, my doubts, my worry: they were all forgotten at that moment. And they are still forgotten. I don't think about myself as just a Single or that I was Married. 

I started internalizing the scriptures that the Lord had impressed upon me before and after the divorce process had started:




Hosea 2:16(KJV)

And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that thou shalt call me Ishi (Husband; the One who cares, provides and protects me); and shalt call me no more Baali (Master).

Isaiah 54:4-8

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.

    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.You will forget the shame of your youth    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband—    the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;    he is called the God of all the earth.The Lord will call you back    as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young,    only to be rejected,” says your God.“For a brief moment I abandoned you,    but with deep compassion I will bring you back.In a surge of anger    I hid my face from you for a moment,but with everlasting kindness    I will have compassion on you,”    says the Lord your Redeemer.

Isaiah 43:18-19

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Job 14:14(KJV)

... All the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come.

I started looking at my life from Father's perspective. I know that I am pursued by a God who loves me despite my flaws. I know that I am loved and complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10). I know that I am not saved by what I do or don't do but I am saved by His grace (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Psalm 73:26(KJV)

My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

Friends, I am living despite the change in my story. Or maybe this should even be my story: my survivor story.

How about you?

Share your thoughts about singleness in the comments below. 

And remember to click 'Follow' to be alerted evarytime I post articles. 

Other articles in the 'From Married to Single' series include:

From Married to Single: How I am Surviving Loneliness

From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness

From Married to Single: Why I Don't Flirt

From Married to Single: How I am Surviving Loneliness

 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

1 Peter 5:7(KJV)

After my heart broke into a million pieces hearing that I would be a divorcee, I did not know what would happen to me or my children. I didn’t know how to face the future. I felt like I was approaching an unknown world. I was sad, afraid, confused and unsure of myself. For over 10 years, I had identified myself as a married woman with children and then… I just wasn’t sure how to be… single. But, I’m surviving with the help of Almighty God. I’m ready to share with you how I have been surviving and thriving despite loneliness as a Single after Marriage.

 From Married to Single: How I am Surviving Loneliness

 

Fact: Singles get Lonely

The first person Abba sent my way to educate me about singleness was T. When I was married, she was a Single and now that she is married, I am the Single. She told me of all the wonderful things she did as a single young woman in her twenties. Boy, she had FUN! She spent time with friends, travelled, was involved in church and had a lot of great experiences. That’s the fun side of being single. But then there’s the other side… There’s the uncomfortably unhappy side. It’s that side where loneliness lives and he comes to visit when you’re single and even when you have partner. Loneliness pops up sometimes whenyou desire to have a partner… especially when everyone else has someone or when they’re all getting married and you’re either in the bridal party or ypu're a guest at the wedding. That’s the tough part- dealing with loneliness.

Oh boy! That part sank deeply into every layer of my consciousness. I knew what she was talking about and I wasn’t sure how I would handle that. I wasn’t sure how to handle that as a single woman but I had hope. Yes! I had hope because I had knowledge and they say “Knowledge is Power!”

At least I knew what to expect. I could brace myself for loneliness even though I was not sure yet how I would handle it.

Dealing with Loneliness

One day he visited. Mr. Loneliness turned up uninvited to my room one night. He lay beside me in bed and wrapped his arms around me. He enveloped my existence. I felt like I was drowning in a cruel mix of alone-ness and grief. The world felt empty around me and I was uneasy. I wanted to do something. I felt desperate! I. Needed. To. DO. Something! I'm always doing something so I felt like I had to DO... I had to ACT!

Who could I call? I had a husband once that I could talk with and talk at before and now, I just wanted to talk. I wanted to share my plans, my dreams, my ideas... my pains. I wanted a listening ear next to when I share my aspirations. I wanted someone to talk with: not my children. Not my parents. Not a girlfriend. I wanted a companion that I could talk with until late into the night about all those delicate plans, those amazing observations and phenomenal ideas that blew my mind at the time! Every time!

For a while, I had those feelings. As a matter of fact, Mr. Loneliness still visits but it’s not so bad now. Oh yes, that raggedy old boy still visits but this sister is rejoicing because I saw the Light! I am happy to report that I’m doing just fine now.

One day I just about had enough of Mr. Loneliness. He was stealing my Joy! That alone forced me to really DO something about that unwelcomed, pilfering visitor. I started to do some research on him. That character is relentless so I, in turn, relentlessly pursued knowledge about him! 

From my research and experimentation, I discovered 3 things:

1. I wasn’t created to be alone. 

There is a reason the Lord lead me back to my childhood home. He knows what I can handle. He also led me to a new church where I met a friend that has a similar experience of marriage to singleness. We talk about the effects of grieving our loss. This is the gift of family. Friends, we were never created to be alone.

Psalm 68:6 (KJV)

God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.

Genesis 2:18 (KJV)

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man(kind) should be alone.

2. Mr. Loneliness visits more often and stays longer when I’m not spending regular quality time with my Heavenly Father. 

I realize that sometimes I am busy for extended periods because I have a number of commitments. I get hungry. Spiritually hungry. Every time I pause to worship when I start feeling lonely, His Holy Spirit sends Mr. Loneliness packing! I worship! I read the scriptures to focus on the identity of my Father. I talk to Abba as if He’s my Friend right there beside me… because He is! Worship does it all the time!

Psalm 4:3-4

But know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for himself: the Lord will hear when I call unto him. Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. 

Psalm 77:6

I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.

Revelation 3:20 (KJV)

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

3. Loneliness is a fickle feeling.

I learned that loneliness is a feeling and feelings are fickle. That’s right! Fickle feelings! This means that feelings are always changing so don’t go searching for a partner just because you feel lonely! That can lead to waking up beside someone you probably shouldn’t have spent the night with; and let’s not even try to get into further complications because of that! Lonely feelings are never license to have sex with someone, get drunk or do drugs. Friends, don’t use loneliness as an excuse to ‘Do. Something.’ drastic like those things because the repercussions are not worth it. Your value and self-respect are worth more than a moment of pleasure that numbs the feeling of loneliness which always comes back when the high wears off. 

Personally, my walk with Christ is important to me because I have tried a lot of things BUT my relationship with Christ is the only thing that is meaningful and long lasting for me. I have been rejected by those I love and trusted, I lost a lot of stuff and I disappointed myself BUT... nothing or no one has ever made me have peace like my friendship with the Lord. Almighty God is the only example of stability in my life and I don't regret being chosen by Him to be a part of His kingdom. 

I don't know about you but sex, liquor and drugs: they just don't do it for me. I'm in this for a lifetime of something I can depend on and not a distraction that lasts for a moment. Belief in Almighty God makes everything -even loneliness- meaningful. Father has allowed me to suffer loneliness so that I can be a victor and not victim of it... so I can tell you that it is possible... 

It is possible to survive and thrive despite feeling lonely sometimes.  

Summary

Loneliness will come when you transition from Married to Single but it’s not the end of the world. Loneliness is a fickle feeling that means that we need to spend more time focusing on worthwhile activities and people like worship and being thankful for our family and friends who genuinely care about us. 

How about you? 

Does Mr. Loneliness visit you too? How do you deal with loneliness or better yet, how have you been blessed or been a blessing despite loneliness? Share your answers in the comments section below!

Remember click Follow so you will be notified when I post the next articles in the 'From Married to Single' series in which I share Fatherly advice the Lord gave me about men; how I went from crazy pain to forgiving; and why I don't flirt anymore (Yes, I used to flirt!). Coming soon!

Check out this article in the series:

From Married to Single: Comfort in Singleness

From Married to Single: Why I Don't Flirt

Why I Have Friends in Other Denominations

The servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.

2 Timothy 2:24(KJV)

Hi friends! It has been a while since I shared my musings with you, but I never forgot about you!


In this post, I want to share something with you that is dear to my heart because it is about people, faith and love. I want to tell you why I unapologetically have friends in other denominations. 

John 13:35 (KJV)

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Why I Have Friends in Other Denominations

My Christian Identity

I am a Christian. This means that I accept the teachings of the Holy Bible that Jesus Christ is my Saviour. I think that it was the Christian lifestyle that chose me. As a child, there was always a part of me that believed there was a higher power than my own father who loved me but was also a disciplinarian. I went to different churches with friends in all the places I have ever lived and places I stayed for summer vacation. I can't remember the sermons but I enjoyed Sunday School! I liked the stories and the songs and all the activities. But, then again, I love school so...! (Some people like shoes and handbags but I like school and books. HAHAHAHAHA!) 

The Catalyst

My mother started attending a church crusade that taught her to observe the Saturday Sabbath. Of course, I was annoyed because all the best cartoons were on television on Saturdays! The birthday parties, going to the market, visiting the library: these were best suited for Saturday. As a little girl, I struggled with this because this was what I was taught indirectly by society and my parents. Now, Mommy introduced this new, dreadful idea of missing all that fun! Daddy and I were upset about this 'foolishness' she had accepted. Until...

I was baptized in a Saturday Sabbath church when I was 14 years old. Yep! I gave up the cartoons (well, I was older by that time so cartoons didn't really hold my interest anymore); no more library visits on Saturday (that hurt the most but I could go on other days); and other social activities I could walk away from because I had new friends- at church- and I enjoyed Sabbath School. I think though that it was a leap of faith for me. I was young and I didn't know much about God except that He was a BIG Being that lived in the sky and that Judgement Day was coming and I didn't want to go to hell.

Perception and Faith

My perception of other faiths was not good. I believed that they were all wrong... Why? Our doctrines were different.

I'll leave that there. For now.


Fast forward to today: I've been in the Christian faith for nearly 20 years. In that time I have had to unlearn a lot of things and to learn many more. I want the world to know some things about this Musing Mom and what God has taught me about people, about faith and about love.

I have many friends and people I admire in other denominations and faiths despite differences in doctrines. Here's why:

Almighty God taught me to love them.

Perception and Love

Three years ago, the Lord saw it fit to teach me about love in a way I never thought existed. I was having a discussion with a senior Christian sister when she was alive about which of her children she loved more. I was like... Seriously??? How do you love any child more than the other/s when they all came from your body? I certainly don't. But my defense was I love this one because she could do this for me and the other because she could do that for me and of course, what's not to love about my precious newborn son? I explained why I loved each of my children as this was the tone that was set for our conversation (comparison and what they could do for us). As I listed the reason for loving each of my children, I had a sinking feeling. I felt as if I ... wrong. I had that feeling that nagged me for a full day.

The next day, I felt the Holy Spirit leading me outside into my yard. I live in the innercity and this is where, according to society, many social misfits reside. But Almighty God has a completely different perspective on this. He showed me that my neighbours were all surviving because of His will. He made the same sun that shines on my roof shine on theirs and the same rain that beats on on my roof, beats on theirs as well. Matthew 5:45

Then He showed me that this 'love' that we were talking about was not what true love is. Love means that we have a profound respect for others despite them doing or being anything for us. Love is not about what others can do or have done for us. Love is not condemning someone because they look or believe in what things that are foreign to you. Love is a deep respect and appreciation for humanity. Why? 

Because one God made all of us. 

From that moment, my life changed. I started seeing everyone in my community differently. Sure, they were scantily clad females, marijuana-loving, heavily tattooed, stay-at-homers, hustlers, who have very colourful vocabularies but all of that does NOT matter in regards to loving/respecting their humanity! I may not agree with my neighbours' lifestyle choices and they may not agree with mine, but I am NOT better than them. So I greet them all saying, "Good morning/afternoon/evening/night ladies/gentlemen." I look at their children as if they could be my own. I can't NOT be respectful to all persons because that is what I am called to do as a Christian. I don't need to force anything on anyone just as I expect to not have anyone's ideas forced on me. Regardless of this expectation, a lot of persons do it... and it makes me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because forcing someone to accept your ideas as facts is not love.

And Christians do that. 

Please don't. 

Do all things in the spirit of love (1 Corinthians 13). 
In other words, express your ideas with patience, with gentleness and humilty. 2 Timothy 2:24-25

We are Family

Since the Lord showed me these things, I look at my brothers and sisters in other faiths and denominations differently as well. For example, I work in a Catholic school and the Lord has taught me a lot about extending mercy to all in ways I never though of before now. I have been ministered to by some sincere believers who are of the Catholic faith and of other faiths. Jehovah's Witnesses, Pentecostal and Apostolic believers, Brethren... and so many others have been a part of my walk of faith. God has used each of them to minister to me, teach, encourage and strengthen my faith, not in a church name, but in Him. 

When we meet, and we talk about the goodness of God in our lives, doctrines don't matter. The texture of our hair doesn't matter. Whether we go to Mass, whether we have the ability to speak in tongues, the 'correct' name for God: all of that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter when we're rejoicing over a breakthrough for which we were praying individualy or collectively. It doesn't matter when we're grieving over a loved one that we lost. It doesn't matter when sickness has taken over our bodies or our family members. It doesn't matter when we are hungry and we have no money to buy food, pay our bills or when our last pair of shoes just gave up on us. It does not matter when life shows up. 

And life is always showing up! 

What matters is that we have a relationship with our Father: we talk with Him, we read the Word and allow His Holy Spirit to show us Truth. That is when we will start to see each other as FAMILY. This is the will of God. 






A love relationship with God helps us to treat others with love, with respect that they don't have to earn because we cannot earn our own salvation. 

I challenge you friends: 

Let us not fight each other over Truth. Truth is Christ, the Word (John 1:14; John17:17). 
Truth will defend Himself. 

Malachi 3:16-17 (KJV)

Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another: and the Lord hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the Lord, and that thought upon his name.

And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.