Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.
Isaiah 66:9 (KJV)
Dear reader, I want to share with you the truth about me- the musing mom.
As a musing mom of 3 children, I am also a software programming student and I hold down a couple of jobs. I am not wealthy but I am a busy little bee who loves her life! Before I was even in college, I wanted to be a wife, mom to five children and a teacher. So far, I have met most of those goals and life has been having its own way with me! Oh boy, it has! People with whom I have interacted since I was a child have had the chance to see me smile and remember me by just my smile but… Behind my smile, I have been struggling and it ain’t pretty! This week, I want to share some of my story and how struggle is the catalyst for positive changes in my life and in the lives of others.
By the way, I'm not a earning anything speaking about the products I will mention in this article. I'm just a fan. 😃
The Life-Changing Power of Struggle
It seems like a million years since I paid attention to my health yet I have heard people say it is our greatest wealth. So many of my choices jeopardize my health everyday and here is the skinny on that:
Late Nights
I have had too many late nights because I have to grade hundreds
of papers, complete tons of paperwork and complete mind-blowing assignments
that have actually stretched me beyond the outskirts of my comfort and forbidden
zones. Other times, I stay up late binging on YouTube videos about pretty planners,
organization and time management, BookTube and The Golden Girls. Sometimes, I say I’m
going to read a few chapters of the Bible but… Nope. I go down the rabbit hole
of social media. D'you know what I mean?School Struggles
Then there’s school. I just wanted to try something new and
I am still thinking to myself, why does it have to be so difficult? Is it that I
don’t know how to think in these
studies I embarked on? One day I was telling my grandmother about the struggles
I was experiencing in the software programming course I had enrolled in and I was
asking how come I’m so ambitious to have set certain career goals. or rather, horizons. Many days I felt lost even when concepts were
being explained to me by my peers. School has been very hard.Sugar Addiction
Yep! I said it! Late nights, stress, and energy drinks such
as the King Kong sugar jar called Arizona Herbal have been my companion during the late
nights, the hot days and those smooth sailing days for months just because they "taste good". In the past
couple of months, I’ve managed to drink at least one can of the King Kong sugar jar per day because I get them
cheaper when I buy them wholesale. Hello, crazy weight gain!
Well, obviously!
Added to that is the soda culture that started in my house a
few months ago as well. The number of sodas in my house increased as the heat of the
summer skyrocketed. Added to that mix was the big chocolate strip
pastry that one of my Grade 8 students called Diabetes.
I noticed that my available wardrobe was getting skinnier because
my entire body was getting bigger; yet, it never occurred to me that… girl,
watch that stuff you’re consuming!
When Friends go MIA (Missing in Action)
After experiencing the pain of loss and rejection in a lot of ways, I
walk alone. It’s not necessarily by choice, but because sometimes, people
outgrow each other or life takes us on separate paths. And that’s okay. I talk
to everyone but I don’t hold anyone in such esteem anymore. It is always good
and useful to have a friend who will not condemn you when you do stupid things.
It’s good to have someone to laugh with and be a sounding board for ideas that even
you think are crazy. In fact, we all need a friend like that who will show us
grace when we’re not even giving it to ourselves.
What I find is that I when I
have a certain chemistry with a friend like that and then they just go silent
or ghost me even, it hurts. It really does. You invest in a friendship and then
they just disappear… Wow.
One time, I was in counselling after the depression
diagnosis and I mentioned a close childhood friend of mine who was sent home
from the job about a year before. She used to insist on us having lunch
together so that I actually took an hour break from working. And we did so for
about 2 years. After they let her go, I never had lunch with anyone for about 2
years. I had lunch by myself. Sure, we still talked on the phone sometimes and
she would visit me once in a while so we could have lunch together, but I wasn’t
close to anyone else like her or had someone else who cared enough to encourage
me to take a break. So I had lunch alone. After telling the counsellor about
this, she said I was still grieving my friend. I had lost my lunch buddy. Loss
and rejection are not fun.
Missing my Offspring
In between work and school and life in general, I wasn’t
hanging out with my littles! I love them but I wasn’t showing it the way children interpret love: TIME. How can I be ministering to other people and their
children and I’m not ministering to the children Almighty God had placed in my own
womb and who are a part of me? My first daughter has gotten so tall; my second
girl wasn’t talking off my ear like she used to, and my son has an amazing
smile and sense of humour! He wants to do his letters and numbers with
me!
So… what’s your point, busy, complaining musing mom???
Here’s the Point (or Points):
Struggle is a gift.
Struggle is life-changing.
The Greatest Gifts in my Struggles
After reviewing my life and all the stuff that ain’t going
right- because, believe me, I just want to do what is meaningful and what is
pleasing to Almighty God- I’ve learned some beautiful lessons that are really
life changing. Let's keep it simple.
I made one choice: I chose health.
I Choose Health
I decided I want to be healthy psychologically, emotionally,
physically, and socially.
I checked my weight, blood pressure and sugar, and I weigh
the same as when I am about to give birth. In other words, I weigh the same as
when I am heavily pregnant. My sugar level was healthy. I had actually done the
test after one week of no sugary drinks or pastries. My blood pressure was
high. No doubt it would have been because of the excessive weight gain. This was the
pattern in the past. But I had had enough one week before my health checks. I
decided to set new routines. In the past, I used routines to help me stay
organized and healthy and they worked.
All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
1 Corinthians 6:12(KJV)
Routines Create More Me Time
Regardless of what is undone, I go to bed earlier
because I
have to do a lot in the morning before I get into the grind of the day. I put
away my phone about 30 minutes before lights out at 10pm. I spend that 30
minutes reading something that can help me grow. I have a large number of 'quarterway' read and 'halfway' read books. Right now, I’m focusing on reading
Brian Tracey’s Change Your Thinking,Change Your Life: How to Unlock Your Full Potential for Success and Achievement.
Woman, Thou Art Loosed!: Healing the Wounds of the Past, The Great Investment: Balancing Faith,Family and Finance to Build a Rich Spiritual Life and The Lady, Her Lover, And Her Lord by T. D. Jakes are also in my
home library and on my TBR (To Be Read list). Now that I have less screen time,
I can focus longer on tasks such as reading. You should try it. Mel Robbins
said that our phones are our tool but it is the other way around now.
I declare
that my phone is not in control anymore.
I charge it in another room a couple
of rooms away and I’m okay with that.
I have changed my eating habits and how I prepare my food. I
walk briskly for 30 minutes in the morning. During that time, I talk with Abba as friend with friend. As
I walk I express my gratitude that I can still move around at will, for
instance.
I am my best friend. I’m not going anywhere without me. I
have started having conversations with myself again. It’s a way to stay in
touch with the Me no one else sees. I always encourage myself and give myself
grace. I find that I really care about myself and that’s healthy. Giving myself
hugs, pep talks and reminding myself of scriptures is more than I have ever
received at any time from a friend. I love Me! Thanks to one of my lecturers
and another insightful friend of mine who planted that seed in me: talk to yourself;
be your own company; when everyone else leaves, you still have yourself. You
have to love you first. 
All in all, I take one day at a time. Boundaries have been
set, and my motivation is I don’t want to be on the road I was on earlier this
year. Sometimes I crave sugary foods but I remember my lost waistline. And
then, I remember the high blood pressure reading and the low energy. I get so
much joy out of eating healthy, exercising, motivating others and reading. Why
do I want to stop doing what I enjoy again because of certain decisions? I used
to practise eating healthy and exercising years ago and I enjoyed it. Why stop
again?
This is the life I love.
When You Struggle
Struggle will happen but NEVER stay in a rut when it comes. Evaluate it. Consider what will make the most impact in you life- the best investment- as a result of decisions you have to make in the struggle. Prayerfully move forward and ask the Lord to bless your efforts. You are not alone... Christ is your Greatest Support. He paid the price for the grace that God has extended to you everyday. He will not allow the struggle without causing wonderful to be born from it. 
