When
you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2 (NIV)
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I do
not diagnose nor recommend medication for any ailment. I do not encourage that
persons stop taking medication if they are on a regimen. I do encourage
everyone to exercise trust in the Lord whether they take medicines. I stand
firmly by something someone once said to me: the doctor treats but God
Almighty heals.
Hi Friends!
Confessions of Depression Survivor is
a blog series that documents my testimony of surviving Type 2
Bipolar Depression through the promise of healing in Jesus Christ.
This series will consist of a number of chapters depicting the stages of the
affliction and how I came out with more victory than I imagined.
The aim of the series is to show that one encounter with the
Lord can change EVERYthing!
What the enemy of our souls mean for evil, our
Heavenly Father works it out for our good. Romans
8:28
Follow my story:
Chapter THREE
Emergency!
I had lost the ability to read. Words on a page looked like ants
that were frozen in place on paper.
The
staff doctor prescribed pills for anxiety and sent me home for the rest of the
day. He looked very sympathetic as I explained to him what I was happening to
me. He told me that ye couldn't do anything more for me and I had to wait until
the date I was appointment date I was given to see one of the psychiatrists.
Needless
to say I was in despair. I felt like this dread, this depression was consuming
me. Doom and gloom was my constant companion. I hated the dark clouds that
surrounded me but I had to wait.
I went home. I
had to take a deep breath before I crossed all the roads because I felt like I
wanted to be hit. I felt dizzy when I had to roads. I felt like each road could
be my place of death whether I made it happen.
But
God kept me.
When I arrived at
home, my now awkward prayer life diminished to 1 sentence prayers.
"Help
me, Lord."
For days I had
not touched the Bible. I decided open my Bible which was sometimes covered in
dust. This was nothing new. When I opened it, of course, I could not read
anything! I probably expected that I would read the word of God but... I
couldn't.
"Lord,
help me!"
Then
thoughts of ending my life returned. Playing out in mind like a movie was the
thought of going up to my roof and jumping from the top of the 2 storey
building. I hoped I would die. This brought a lift to my mood but a tiny part
of me was scared at the thought and even more scared at my emotional reaction.
The
usual pattern for the day continued.
By
this time, my ability to focus was diminishing. My brain was like static on the
television screen most of time except when I suicidal thoughts. I continued to
sleep and sleep and sleep some more. I had no appetite and I was withdrawn. My
body aches had stopped and my stomach didn't hurt anymore.
The
next day I went to a clinic for an appointment I had for a different issue then
I went to work. I didn't go for work. I needed help and fast! It was getting
harder to cross the street.
Emergency!
I went to work
and went straight to the psychiatric ward. I told my clerk friend that she
better get help for me because I am going to kill myself. For the first time, I
broke down. I started bawling before her. I couldn't take it anymore. I
couldn't wait until the appointment date.I told her about my struggles and she hugged me. She was going to help me. And she did.
Doctor
Petal (not her real name) saw me within half an hour of waiting. My friend had tried to get a hold of
one of the doctors on the ward to see me. This was an emergency!
Dr Petal
interviewed me and my own behaviour shocked me. I started by hesitating to talk
to talking fast and about everything that came to mind. My moods shifted
constantly between being calm to being angry to being enraged and pounding her
desk with my fist.
I told her everything.
I told her everything.
Then
she left to consult with other doctors.
She
took what seemed like a million years to come back.
She
said my symptoms were unlike the usual she had seen for the diagnosis she and
her colleagues established for me. What shocked her most was the pleasure I
derived from thoughts of killing myself.Suicide Watch
She recommended
me for admission for suicide watch. I could have
been treated as an outpatient for the mood disorder they said I had but they did not trust me being by myself.
I told
the doctor I needed to be admitted for treatment and to do it now before I
changed my mind since my thoughts and moods weren't stable. My decision was
supported by my husband and mother. They told Dr. Petal to do as I said.
I saw
my baby girl and my husband that evening. He had packed a bag and taken it to
the hospital for me. I hugged and kissed my baby girl and told her Mommy would not be home for a couple of days because I had to get better.
Of
course I changed my mind a hundred times about staying in the hospital.
Not only was I depressed but I also was also psychotic because I had suicidal ideations.
Scary.
After
my first night, I woke up feeling... Different.
Read Chapter 4 of Confessions of a Depression Survivor to follow my testimony as a depression survivor. Continue reading to discover what happened after my first night in the hospital.
It's Your Turn
One of the things about being diagnosed with a mental illness or mood disorder is society labels you as 'crazy'. This is unfair as more and more people are suffering from such disorders everyday especially because of stress. One thing that makes a great difference is support from friends and family.
In the comments below,
- please share how mental illness and mood disorders regarded by society where you live.
- If you have been delivered from mental illness or a mood disorder, please share your experience. It may help someone out there to know that they are not alone.
Your story may save a life!
God bless you!
So i wanted to share about how mentally ill persons are regarded and treated in society. I have a co worker who suffers from a mental disorder due to child birth. She is a normal person once she stays on her medications but for some reason or the other she sometimes refuse to take them and then she is a different individual. Persons are not normally kind with their words when they talk about her condition and that is just unfortunate. I honestly dont know if when she is ill and the remarks are made if heard it adds to her not wanting to get better. She becomes a totally different person off her medication and her family do try to cope but i know it must be difficult to deal with. Thank God though that he always take care of his children. She is a mother of tow wonderful children, her family supports her depite all the outside unkind comments. it brings tears to my eyes just sharing about her situation. I think as humans we are too quick to judge and come to conclusions about people we dont know and in doing so we help to make their circumstances harder to overcome. But God is always showing up on time. Thank God. Keep sharing your story it will help others to realise when they are depressed early so they hopefully will get help in time.
ReplyDeleteThank you, my friend, for sharing. When I experienced this illness, our Father had worked it out that I was working at a hospital so that I was able to access the care I needed at the time. (See how amazing God is?! There are no such things as coincidences!) I was painfully aware of the stigma faced by persons with mental illness. It is a 'private' matter. You could be labeled as incompetent! A madman or madwoman on the job. But the truth is that I learned that mental illness does not have a face. Doctors, nurses, and every other category of staff were represented in the case of having mental illness. They just took their meds and kept up with their doctor's appointments. They have also had to ensure they make lifestyle changes such as ensuring they have a steady sleep routine. Lack of sleep can trigger the demons of illness to return. Also, after being acquainted with the illness, one is able to recognize the symptoms of illness when it is recurring. In my case, I know my colleagues could see that I was on medication for mental illness because some of the medications make the eyes look glassy. And it's like we have a blank stare. The medications altered my energy levels. I was always extroverted but I became reserved.
DeleteI would file away my medical file myself. Every patient file has to go through the records department so I really had to fight to kind of keep this 'secret'. Ironically, I eventually ended up working in the psychiatric department so I could secretly keep up with my appointments.
Being a survivor of mental illness has helped me to be empathetic to the those who suffer from the same and their families and friends. We have to pray for, support and encourage the families and friends of persons with mental illness because they chose to stay with them so they have to sacrifice a lot and to be very patient in order to care for their relative/friend when many others leave. But I firmly believe in the delivering and healing power of Almighty God. I recommend that all persons, regardless of their illness, such accept Christ as Saviour and that there's always hope when we walk with the Lord. Your deliverance and healing may not be like what I experienced but it is possible in the God Almighty.