Confessions of a Depression Survivor: Chapter 1 In the beginning...

But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I do not diagnose nor recommend medication for any ailment. I do not encourage that persons stop taking medication if they are on a regimen. I do encourage everyone to exercise trust in the Lord whether they take medicines. I stand firmly by something someone once said to me: the doctor treats but God Almighty heals.

Hi Friends!

Confessions of Depression Survivor is a blog series that documents my testimony of surviving Type 2 Bipolar Depression through the promise of healing in Jesus Christ. This series will consist of a number of chapters depicting the stages of the affliction and how I came out with more victory than I imagined.  

The aim of the series is to show that one encounter with the Lord can change EVERYthing!

What the enemy of our souls mean for evil, our Heavenly Father works it out for our good. Romans 8:28

Chapter ONE

In the beginning...

In 2010, I weighed about 234 lbs or 106.14 kg.

Although I was already working for a year at the hospital, they summoned a number of us newbies to Orientation. The dietitians did their presentation on Day 2 of Orientation and I felt like taking up the challenge to lose weight naturally and I absolutely lost it!

I lost it! The weight that is!

I started my weight loss journey. I challenged myself to eat healthy and on time and to exercise regularly. With all of that good stuff though, I struggled with body image while my body was transforming. But that's another story for a later date.

Weight loss Queen to Queen of Mean

I was about 50 lbs or 22.67 kg lighter than I was 6 months before. I was getting over identity issues that came with my weight loss journey. There were a few changes in my home life around that time, but, I was excited about losing the excess weight! I had more energy, improved flexibility, strength of body and will, and sharper focus.

Then, I felt a burning sensation in my stomach. I tried healthy ways of dealing with it but the burning continued for about 3 days until my appetite lessened. I felt like eating 3 crackers was enough food for the day and I would be all right. Because I was eating far less than I should have with an increased metabolic rate, my energy waned. Soon, all I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to be left alone so that I could sleep away permanently. That’s right! After a few days of giving in to my ‘need’ for sleep I slipped further and further into a dark place where I wanted to sleep until I died.

People irritated me. When my husband came home from work, I would seethe quietly especially whenever he came near to me.

Then the other pains started. I started having headaches followed by back pain. All this time the burning sensation in stomach never ceased.

I was miserable.

My weight loss journey... stopped. Everything just stopped. I didn't want to do anything except die.

I thought I was just deeply sad about a row my husband and I had recently. So, we talked about it. We made up. I thought I would be happy but my mood worsened. I slept more. My desire to die increased and I preferred sleeping to eating. I thought 3 crackers, if I woke up at all, would be a stretch.

One morning at work I decided to do some research about my symptoms. I had an idea that I may have been depressed because I was just feeling sad… all the time. I checked the symptoms. The psychosomatic symptoms of back pain, burning stomach, decreased appetite, increased need for sleep, decreased libido added to the deep sadness and loss of interest all pointed to the Big D.

Depression.

Off to the Doctor

The doctor at the staff clinic listened to me relate my symptoms after a long moment of hesitation on my part. Yep! Add that to the list: withdrawal. 

I didn’t want to speak with anyone. I wanted to be left alone. 
Remember, I wanted to die. 
Dead people don’t talk and I began to hate talking.

As the doctor asked questions, I started… talking. 
A lot! 
My tongue loosened and I spoke faster and faster. I scared myself. I was fearful that my mouth was moving so much even though my mind wanted the opposite. 
How was I talking when I did NOT want to talk?!

My constant chatter and fear led to another symptom being discovered. Add anxiety to the list.

The staff doctor prescribed something for anxiety and wrote a referral for me to be seen by the doctors who specialize in mood disorders: the psychiatrists. He said they were better equipped to treat me.

I gave the referral to a good friend of mine who was the clerk on the psych ward. She made an appointment for me to see one of the doctors.

I was given a few days off to rest.

Of course I rested. I slept and slept and slept.

And surprise, surprise! Things became worse.

Sickness can be an Open Door to Blessing

Friends, I've discovered something life-changing.... I changed my idea about sickness. Now, I look at sickness as an opportunity to draw even closer to Almighty God by worshiping Him, praying and listening to His voice and to expect great things from Him. Our God is not a god of gloom and depression! He is the God of Life and Comfort, Joy and Peace; and even in sickness, even in pain, He stands beside us offering a sweeter life. That life is one of Peace even when things look dim. 

Click here for Chapter Two of my story.

It's Your Turn to Share

Have you every been depressed? 

What was it like for you? 

Did you ever think that you would be delivered? 

What gave you hope in depression, a time of hopelessness?

Share with us in the comments.

Your testimony may save a life.

God bless you!