Master,
which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus
said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with
all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This
is the first and great commandment.
And
the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On
these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Matthew 22:36-40 (KJV)
Before she died, I allowed Sister Sam* to cry on my shoulder as she complained about her husband's lack of attention and affection for her. She was my mother's peer but we were married women at different stages in our marriage. When I was a teenager, I observed the marriages around me and I thought they were all the most uncomfortable situations ever! In fact, my church family and even my own parents' marriage seemed like a doom and gloom. So I went to my heavenly father about it and He told me his plan for my life in terms of marriage. As an inexperienced 16-year old girl, tried to reason out what He said and went to my mother. I assumed I would never marry! What the Lord had told me never matched the reality I was seeing all around me even in the church: unhealthy, unhappy marriages.
I told Sister Sam, now that I was a woman in a rocky marriage myself, to not wait for loving from her husband but to seek such perfect loving from God and then love herself.
So many of us women seek true love in the form of humanity only to be disappointed. But Amighty God, our Father, has given us a 3 step formula for long and lasting love relationships.
See Step 1 here!
We don't have to suffer from 'love hunger'! Father God tells us how in the Bible. Let's look at Step 2!
See Step 1 here!
We don't have to suffer from 'love hunger'! Father God tells us how in the Bible. Let's look at Step 2!
3 Steps to Long and Lasting Love: Step 2
I met a dear friend through work some time ago as I was struggling with my emotional well-being after the end of my 11 year marriage. He taught me something that was life-changing, and you know I have to share all this good stuff with y'all! He said that he realized that I was strong but that I was walking around with a victim mindset. He was right. I had survived so many things that it was time for me to realize that I am not a victim. I am so much more than a little hurt human being. I'll say it again: he was right. I was uncomfortable being a victim so I decided it was time to discover the truth about my identity. And then, I absolutely fell in love!
Jesus Christ, love in the flesh, taught that we should love others in the same way we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39).
Step 2: Love yourself.
The second love relationship we should have is one with ourselves. I started to see myself in a new light. I realized that I woke up with myself and went to bed with myself at night. I walked with myself everyday to work. I figured that I live with myself ... all the time! I wondered at this! For over 30 years I have been living with myself and I didn't really take time out to have a real or ongoing relationship with myself. So, I started. I started talking with myself. I would pat myself on the shoulder and even hug myself! To some people, this may sound crazy but I began to see that if I don't practise loving myself, how will I really love someone else properly?
For instance: When I was sad about something I would tell myself about it and I found that I always had some good godly advice and I affirmed myself. I never saw myself as a victim. I saw myself as a beautiful, loving, talented woman. Sure, I made mistakes and have some bad habits but those things do not define who I am. My identity comes from God and I am His child.
Here are some ways to love on yourself regardless of the season you are in:
1. Embrace who God says you are. But, you have to read the Bible to see the truth about who you are in Christ. I recommend reading John 3.
When you accept who God says you are, then when others say otherwise, you are comfortable with He says because God's word is final.
Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will. Ephesians 1:5 (KJV)
2. Spend time with yourself. Spend time talking with yourself in a positive way. Schedule times for self-care and for going out on dates with yourself. Yes! Date yourself! Ask yourself questions that your partner would ask you and answer them truthfully! You will get to learn seem surprising things about yourself! Buy yourself flowers sometimes because you love YOU! Start taking care of your health. Set boundaries for yourself and others. You love you so treat yourself well, the way you would want your spouse to treat you. Treat yourself well because you know how special you are. And guess what... nobody else may do all those lovely things for you so do it for yourself. That way, if your next relationship doesn't work out or a friend lets you down, you still have you... and all those flaws that you better love and respect before you expect some stranger to do so!
Love means being patient and kind to yourself.
Don't be envious of others but be humble; appreciate you.
Don't disrespect yourself or your beautiful body especially because of fleshly urges. Self respect is a big deal because when you set boundaries, you will have less stress later.
Don't harbour feelings of anger towards yourself, but be forgiving. Be gracious towards yourself. You make mistakes but don't let those mistakes define who you are.
Expect the very best for yourself.
Embrace the best qualities you have.
Embrace truth.
Always hope for the best, believe the best and fight for the best.
Accept that you're a Survivor in the Lord!
This is the way forward:
Summary:
Self love is not a sin. It is a commandment.
Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord.
Leviticus 19:18 King James Version (KJV)
*Name changed to protect privacy.
No comments:
Post a Comment