Survivor Secrets: 3 Steps to Surviving Divorce (and Break ups too)

For the Lord, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce: for one covers injustice with his garment, says the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

                                                                                                                           

Malachi 2:16

Divorce is the certified end of a marriage.

Divorce is painful.

Divorce is painful especially if you entered the marriage contract with 'forever together' in mind like I did when I got married. 

Our heavenly Father hates divorce and I can understand why. Divorce made me feel as if one of my body parts was cruelly ripped from my body and I lay bare, raw and bloody out in the elements. That is how I felt. 

But,

I have a Saviour who knows the pain of betrayal and rejection. And with the same comfort that He comforted me, I want to comfort you. I am surviving divorce and you can too! 

This is great news for those of us who are experiencing the heartache of a dissolved relationship. With Christ, there is joy, peace and success on the other side of divorce and a breakup. You may feel alone but with so many great paths before you, move forward in faith! You can survive divorce and step into an awesome future with these 3 tested and proven ways to surviving a divorce or break up!

3 Steps to Surviving Divorce and Break ups

1. Recognize that you are already loved and complete.

I was married for a little over a decade before I received a ‘certificate of divorce and put away’ (Deuteronomy 24:1,3;  Mark 10:4). My trust was betrayed and I felt rejected and it hurt. It was a pain that was so deep within me that it threatened to consume all my thoughts, actions, and possibly every aspect of my life. I cried everyday for a while. I realized that this was the end of what I thought was going to be a union that would last a lifetime.

I could feel the pleadings of Almighty God on my heart to enter a season of fasting for 21 days and I did. During the fast, it was like I had a refresher course in Identity 101. I was reminded that God always loved me. He was always my knight in shining armor, my Prince. My real forever Love. And He was always there. Many times I didn’t see Him or acknowledge Him but He was always there. He was always saving me from disgrace, certain injuries, loss, pain and death. He longed for me to see Him, to focus on Him, but because He is a romantic Gentleman, He never forced Himself on me. He spoke to my heart in a tender yet powerful way. 

He whispered in my spirit, "I love you. I always have and I always will." 

I thought my joy and love was in my children’s father but Abba showed me in His Word (what I started calling His love letters to me) that I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10) and so are you. 

I was never alone. And no one can ever complete me because all that I thought was missing was always in Christ: my joy, peace, hope and love.

Friend, a relationship with Christ can lead you into a life of joy, peace and completeness. 

2. Extend forgiveness.

I was committed to my relationship. I expected great things. I fasted and prayed about my marriage. I realized that the world around us teaches the opposite of what is biblical but the teachings in the Bible are soul food. The teachings in the Word of God, if you allow it to seep into your bones and into your consciousness, will flow right your spirit and you will find that your behaviour will change. Why? Your mind will be renewed (Romans 12:2; Ephesians 4:23). Your thoughts about others and actions, your like and dislikes will change and for the better. Your joy will no longer be reserved to actions or persons but in Christ. 

Therefore, forgiving others is not a suggestion. It is a command with blessings. Father is so serious about this that He says we experience His forgiveness when we forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15). When we don’t forgive those who have wronged us, we become bitter and resentful and that makes us miserable and physically sick.

Read this article entitled 'Bitterness Can Make You Sick'.

Forgive your former partner of all the wrongs they may have committed against you. Because Christ said ‘Our Father’, it means that when we are harbour bitterness against anyone, we are being bitter towards a brother or sister in God’s eyes. This is not acceptable! I had to ask our Father to help me forgive because that is a start to healing and making my way into a future successfully. It is working. I invite you to do the same.

My friends, stay far from friends and family who encourage unforgiveness. They do not help you. Instead, they help to poison your mind against the Word of God that encourages us to be at peace with all men and even with those who have walked away from us. (1 Corinthians 7:15)

Things will get better. Healing takes time but one day you will be better. Being toxic about your loss and nurturing the toxicity will only lead to dry bones which is the precursor to a weakened immune system. Proverbs 17:22

3. Stay active.

You have to stay active or the pain of loss will eat you alive. 

I spoke with a number of friends the other day who have experienced divorce and separation and they shared with me that one way to keep their sanity was to stay active. One woman said that she started doing outreach activities; others started working on something they are passionate about like a hobby. I can testify that being alone is dangerous. When I was alone I kept thinking of ways to ease my pain which caused me to feel more and deeper pain.  

Christ commissions us to share with others how He comforted us in our struggles (2 Corinthians 1:4). By building up others in your time of loss, you help to build up yourself.

Organize your time so that you can incorporate social activities like:

• spending time with God-fearing friends who offer biblical encouragement;
• ministering to others who are suffering;
• volunteering;
• taking on an extra job that you may enjoy;
• working on a hobby;
• starting a blog;
• taking a class in something you always wanted to try or learn about.

Recognize that you are in pain because of loss. You are grieving the loss of your partner but you are not dead. You are alive and beautiful/handsome, gifted and loved by a Big God. There is too much potential and promise in you for you to consider giving up now. Plus, you are not alone. First, others are feeling the same pain and they survived. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Second, Christ is there with you. He loves you and wants to heal your brokenness. 

It’s Your Turn!

There are many promises in the Word of God. What are the promises and truths in the Bible that you have held on to when you experienced the pain of loss?

Share your divorce/break up survival testimony in the comments.

Your story could save a life!

God bless you!