Blessed are you, when men shall
revile you, and persecute you, and shall
say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so
persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
Matthew 5:11-13
Slander.
Backbiting.
Nefarious gossip.
These are
malicious ways in which we tear down others with our words when the object of
our remarks is not present.
Several times in
my life, I have been approached by others who say that they have heard a particular person or persons say this or that about me. Sometimes the reports include those who were even considered to
be my friends. And many times, the conversations were toxic. Also, it gets worse people who don't know me are introduced to rumors about me before we actually meet! I don’t
know if you have ever experienced this but it doesn’t make me feel good to hear
that people slander me. As a matter of fact,
it hurts.
You see, every
day I try to deal with my own little stresses and hearing that I am a liar, facetious, incompetent, daft, and a
hypocrite does not make me have a better or an easier day. Added to that is
that I may end up walking around with that extra baggage of pain, disappointment,
anger and the list continues. Can you relate?
Read this very
interesting article at Active Christianity called
'Backbiting: Do you indulge in this evil habit?'
We have to remember that regardless of how
we want to feel all day, every day for the rest of our lives, we can’t stop people from talking. We can’t control what they say
about us in front of us or when we’re not there. What we can control is our
reaction to slander when we become aware of it.
My Testimony
Recently, I experienced
the hurt and disappointment that result from the knowledge of my being the
object of alleged slander. Of course, I was alarmed at what I heard. I would
prefer if persons who have a problem with my behaviour just come out with it
and show me where I may have gone wrong or how I may have offended them. Of
course, the reality is this may not always happen. But, there is another
reality that I embrace.
This reality is a
truth I live by: my Best Friend is
Almighty God, and I had to have a talk with Him about what I heard!
I didn't even
bother to ask Him to confirm whether what I heard was true or who was saying
what. I really just wanted Him to minister to me and for Him to cause something
good to spring from this unfortunate situation. As I sat before my students who
were working on an assignment, I removed a small Bible from my knapsack and I found
myself reading Psalm 86. It was just the message I needed. It was a message of
comfort.
Shew me a token for good; that they which hate me may see it, and be ashamed: because thou, Lord, hast helped me, and comforted me.
Psalm 86:17 KJV (Emphasis supplied by writer.)
I know I must not
harbour negative feelings towards others because Jehovah God is our Father. Yes, I felt hurt, angry,
disappointed and annoyed but the Holy Spirit in me is bigger than these
emotions.
From this
experience I decided that I am going to continue surviving slander and this is what I did (and have been doing over
the years). I want to share with you the 5 steps I take to survive slander.
Survivor Secrets: 5 Steps to Surviving Slander (even if you are the slanderer...)
1. Name my feelings and explain why I feel that way.
When someone
spreads a rumor or negative information to maliciously tear down your reputation,
it hurts. Am I really angry or just hurt? Why? Is it because the person who
is allegedly slandering you is your friend? Relative? Spouse? A respected
person? How far did they go with the negative remarks? I know from firsthand experience
that the closer you are to the person, the more it will hurt because betrayal
has been added to the noxious brew.
Are you afraid of
the consequences of this slander? Will the discussion points sully your
reputation?
Think about these things before you act. The time you
take to think about these things will help you to become emotionally aware as
you grow older. Also, when you think through what you are feeling, drastic
actions we take when we are hurt, angry or disappointed are delayed.
Stop and think.
You could also save yourself the humiliation if you found out that the person was innocent.
Stop and think.
You could also save yourself the humiliation if you found out that the person was innocent.
2. Fix your Focus.
Fix your focus
because people and feelings are fickle. Remember who God Almighty is. He is
bigger than your abusive boss, colleague, classmate, spouse, relative and
neighbour. So, shift your gaze to God Almighty. Tell Him how you feel and why.
Well, of course God knows everything! He even knew that this would have
happened and He went as far as to allow it!
We'll talk about
why shortly.
But He wants us
to talk with Him! That's what good friends do: they talk about stuff! Communication builds relationship.
God sees the
heart- our intentions- and fears. He knows our motivation for everything and we
don't always know why we do some of the crappy things that we do but He does.
David, in Psalm 139:11-12, wrote that even the dark night is as the light of day for
God so we really can't hide from Him. When you fix your focus so that you are
accepting of the will of Almighty God for your life, you will recall that He
will allow ALL things to work
together for good to them that the love Him and are called according to His
purpose. Romans 8:28
And this is my
testimony that our Heavenly Father makes everything beautiful in His timing.
(Ecclesiastes 3:11)
3. Remember who God says you are.
I am a daughter
of Almighty God who has chosen to accept the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for me
on Calvary's cross. He became cursed for me because the Jews believe that
anyone who hangs on a tree is cursed (Deuteronomy 21:22-23; Galatians 3:13). But He
took the curse of my sinfulness, and your sinfulness upon Himself and He paid
the ultimate price for our salvation (saving us from
eternal punishment). John 3:16-21
Therefore, I am who He says I am. I have been adopted into the family of God through Christ because he wants me in His family just like He wants you too! (Ephesians 1:5)
Therefore,
knowing all of this, it doesn't matter if someone doesn't like me or if I am
rejected by others. It doesn't matter if someone says I'm ugly,
incompetent, hypocritical or a fool because Jesus Christ wants me and I'm a
part of His family. He takes care of me. This is where my confidence begins.
Friends, review the promises God made to you in
the scriptures and in your quiet time together. What is the truth about who you
are? What is the truth about your purpose? It is what God Almighty says.
4. Apply the Word of God to your wounds.
We have established
that slander hurts, especially if the person who committed the act of slander
is a close friend or relative. The inside wounds can only be healed through
embracing the truths in God's word. Psalm 119:50 reminds us that when we are sad,
the Word of God gives us life again.
Therefore, be peaceful with all men as
best as possible. Romans 12:18
Forgive those who
wronged you. And to forgive means to relinquish the painful act that someone
committed against you so that you can be free. (Matthew 6:14-15)
5. Pray for those who hurt you.
We don't always know
why people intentionally spread malicious rumors. We can only guess. But let us
not condemn them. Let us pray for them and be loving and civil towards the
slanderer. It's not a matter of becoming best buddies with those who try to
destroy your reputation publicly. It is recognizing that you have a Father who
is willing to help you have a good reputation anywhere you go. Father God
already told us to trust Him and do good
wherever we are. Psalm 37:3
We cannot stop
slander. People will always talk, but ask the Lord to help you create and
maintain a good reputation so that others will see Christ in you. Trust God and do good (doing good from
the inside out!)
Additionally, we
are a work in progress. We all have flaws in
our character and I believe that knowledge of this should keep us humble.
Bonus Tip
Help! I am a slanderer! :(
Confession time!!!
I have slandered
others.
Yep! I have.
And it wasn't until a politician was reported to have
allegedly done many bad things that the Lord pulled me aside one day and impressed upon me to stop posting memes about the bad things we heard about the man on the
news. It's wrong. It is natural to get angry when we feel oppressed but God
says that we are to use our words to build up others. (Ephesians 4:29) Not only
did I feel so impressed to stop sharing the memes but someone had also spoken
to me about the something similar in that season. With God's help, I stopped sharing
the memes and I eventually stopped intentionally talking negatively about the
man. All of what they said on the news about him is for Almighty God for to
handle. Knowing Jehovah, many lives could be positively impacted after the ordeal has ended. Who
knows?
Let’s just trust God and do good in the times when
we are slandered and when we are tempted to speak negatively about someone else
behind their back.
It’s Your Turn!
What about you?
How have you survived or endured slander?
Share your story of victory after
being slandered. I’m sure it could help someone struggling with the right now!
Your story may save a life!
Your story may save a life!
God bless you.
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